


On Borrowed Time

by spacegirlstuff



Series: Supernatural Season 15 Codas [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amara is actually good, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Dialogue, Castiel and Dean Winchester Being Idiots, Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Castiel is Not Amused (Supernatural), Coda, Dean Winchester Being an Idiot, Dialogue Heavy, During Canon, Episode: s15e15 Gimme Shelter, First Kiss, In a way, Its the winchester way though, Jack is Amazing, Lies, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e15 Gimme Shelter, Sam Winchester Needs a Break, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, So many lies, They find a way out of Castiels deal with the empty, like real heavy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27896455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacegirlstuff/pseuds/spacegirlstuff
Summary: “What do you think you can do to save him?”“Make another deal perhaps,” Castiel’s eyes widened as the words tumbled out of his mouth.The hunter froze in his place, staring at the angel.“Cas,” Dean’s voice was nothing more than a whisper, “What did you do?”~~~A fic that answers what would have happened if Castiel told Dean about his deal before 15x18.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Series: Supernatural Season 15 Codas [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2003515
Comments: 95
Kudos: 122





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had a draft written for this when the episode first aired but never actually got around to writing it...  
> Mainly inspired from the rumors that went around when Cas said "There is something you and Sam need to know..." in the promo and this post on tumblr which said something around the lines of Cas saying "Why do you care?" And "You said I was dead to you."  
> Anyways... here goes absolutely everything.

The liquid slid down his throat, the familiar burning sensation calming down the hunter’s nerves. It was almost three am, the bunker halls cold and deserted, the sound of the clock ticking echoed in the library. The conversation from earlier that day still bounced off the walls in his head, the weight of the lies heavy upon his tongue.

_ Can I trust you?  _ Amara had asked, sitting across the table, the edge of the wooden chair digging into his back as the words slipped off his tongue as easy as breathing.

_ I would never hurt you. _ He had promised. He had promised her the impossible, and she had trusted him. Funny how even after everything he was, after everything he had done, people could trust him without-

The sound of footsteps snapped the hunter back, the sound of keys jingling followed as he turned around to see the angel exiting the hallway, clearly not expecting anyone to catch him on his way out.

“Cas?” Dean asked, studying the man as he halted in front of the stairs, a surprised look on his face. “Hey, where you going? Where’s Jack?”

“He’s in his room,” the angel replied, taking a deep breath, “We got back, We didn’t want to wake you up.”

Dean paused, trying to decipher the reason the angel looked guarded. Shaking his head when nothing came up, he said, “Nah, I wasn’t asleep.” Deciding to keep the conversation as casual as he could, he continued with the easier question, making his way towards the man, “How’d the case go?”

“Oh, it went well,” Castiel eyed the door to the bunker for a second as if contemplating how long he would have to wait. “Uh, we solved it, saved some people.” the angel moved away from the staircase, easing some of the hunter’s worries, “Amara?” 

Dean nodded his head in response, “Yeah,” he hoped the angel would drop the subject soon, “Yeah, we got her. I think she’s on board.”

Clearly satisfied with the answer, Cas smiled, making the hunter’s breath hitch slightly, “Good.”

Dean could stand there the whole night staring at the Angel, a bottle of whisky held forgotten in his hand, glowing under the other man’s soft gaze. But they did not have the liberty to waste time, and as much as he wanted, he could not ignore the uncertainty that was present in his best friend’s eyes as he looked down. Biting the bullet, he asked, “Wait,” He held his breath, “What’s happening? Where are you going?”

Castiel hesitated, “Going to look for another way.” 

Dean slightly tilted his head in question, his eyebrows furrowed, urging the angel to continue.

“I have to” was the only explanation he got.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Dean,” the man took a breath before stepping forward, the bottom of his tan trench coat brushing against the hunter’s knees. Dean’s eyes watered down to the angel’s chest before looking back up to lock with his blue ones, “In case something goes wrong and I don’t make it back, there’s something you and Sam need to know.”

Realizing the bad news the angel was about to drop, the hunter’s breath stopped short, his eyes widening as dread seeped into his bones. He hated the direction this conversion had taken, and all he wanted to do now was return to his room and crawl under his blankets. 

“What?” he whispered in question.

“It’s Jack,” Castiel stopped for a moment, collecting himself, “If we continue with Billie’s plan, he’s going to die.” Dean took a sharp breath, “The spells have been turning him into a suicide bomb.”

“How long have you known this?” The hunter’s voice was low.

“A few hours,” Castiel ran a hand through his hair, his unsure eyes meeting the hunter’s shocked green ones, “He told me on the way back.”

Dean breathed out, slowly closing his eyes as he cleared his mind, “What were you planning to do?”

“I don’t have an idea,” he admitted, “Probably read some books. Talk to a few people whom I think could help. Try and contact heaven maybe to-”

“So you were just going to leave in the middle of the night without informing anyone with no idea what to-”

“I already watched him die once, Dean,” Castiel ignored the way his voice broke, “I will not do it again. Not if I think that I can do anything to save him.”

“I am not asking you to let him walk to his own death either,” the hunter tried to make the other man understand, “He is our kid as much as he is yours and I want to help you save him.” The angel looked up, their eyes meeting, “But I can’t help you if you keep running away on your own. So please stay,” he was begging now.

“I can’t, Dean,” 

“Why?” the hunter pushed back the anger that was starting to drip into his voice, “What do you think you can do to save him?”

“Make another deal perhaps,” Castiel’s eyes widened as the words tumbled out of his mouth.

The hunter froze in his place, staring at the angel, his grip on the glass bottle flattered. Neither of them paid any attention as it slipped past his fingers, crashing into the floor, its contents spilling out.

“Cas,” Dean’s voice was nothing more than a whisper, “What did you do?”

“Jack was dead, and the Empty was after him,” The angel looked away from the green eyes, instead, staring down at the broken pieces of glass, “It wanted to take him.” He took a shaky breath, “I could not let him die, Dean. He is my son.”

“What did you do, Cas?” Dean repeated.

“I offered myself instead,” Castiel continued, “I made a deal. The Empty would be summoned when I finally allowed myself to be happy. It would come and take me away.”

The room was freezing now, icy against the hunter’s warm skin, his veins on fire, anger burning through his flesh, consuming him as a whole. 

“So all this time, you were never truly happy?” a series of emotions rushed through his heart, pulling him in every direction until he was not sure what he felt anymore.

“Dean please,” Cas took a step forward only for Dean to take one back, glass cracking under his feet.

“Don’t,” he warned, shaking his head, “Just stop.”

“You need to listen to me,” 

“I can’t!” The hunter shouted now, not caring if he woke up his brother or their kid. His whole world was falling apart, and the last thing he cared about was a few sleepless nights. “Every time anything happens,” he huffed out a humorless laugh, “Every single time. One of us has to go around and make a deal even after knowing that it will come back to bite us in the ass.”

“I won’t apologize-”

“I don’t want you to apologize, Cas!” The sound of distant footsteps running entered the room but neither of them looked away, the angel’s eyes pleading, the hunter’s eyes filled with pain, “I want you to tell me why you hid it for so long? Why did you never tell us anything?”

“Because you already had a lot in your hands and I didn’t want to burden you with more.”

“That’s not-” The hunter was interrupted by Sam and Jack barging into the room, both wearing equally frantic expressions.

“What’s happening?” the hunter asked, his grip on the gun losing when he realized that there was no immediate threat.

“Cas here decided to go and make a deal with the empty and then hid it from us for more than a year,” He stepped towards the angel, never breaking eye contact, their chests almost touching now.

“Why do you care so much, anyway?” Castiel whispered, shuffling forward until there was no space between them, his words hardly audible over the sharp intake of breath by the Nephilim and the younger brother, “Didn’t you say I was dead to you?”

“Because I,” Dean halted mid-sentence, his brain finally catching up just in time to stop the words from falling out of his lips. 

_ Because I am in love with you.  _ He wanted to say.  _ Because I can’t live without you. Because I already lost you once and I can’t lose you again.  _

He wanted to grab the lapels of that dirty trench coat and pull the man towards him, crashing their mouths together. He wanted to scream out at no one and everyone because his life had never looked so unfair as it did now. He wanted to run away from everything that was drowning him, dragging the angel with him as they escaped from all that pulled them apart.

He looked away, now acutely aware of the three pairs of eyes trained on him. “Because you are family,” 

Castiel stared for a moment before nodding softly. Stepping back, he looked at the two men standing in the doorway. “Sorry to wake you up,”

“It’s fine,” Jack replied softly. The hunter next to him opened his mouth to ask something before he decided that his question could wait.

“I’ll just,” the angel awkwardly gestures towards the door, his hand digging his pocket for keys.

“Stay,” Dean croaked out, his words sounding more pleading than he wanted them to.

_ Stay with me, even if it’s just for tonight. _

Castiel paused, his head hung low as he took a deep breath. Nodding slightly, he walked away from the staircase. Moving past the hunter, he entered the library, the fabric of his coat brushing against Dean’s trembling fingers.

His brother and the kid stood in the hallway for a few more minutes before retreating back into their rooms. Dean doesn’t know how much time passed before his knees gave in and he collapsed onto the floor, the shards of glass piercing into his skin a welcome distraction. 

Tears leaked out of his eyes as he sat there in the middle of the ruins of what once had been his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... how was it.  
> Kinda anxious while writing it because well... I took a break after 15x20 because I just couldn't write anything after watching whatever that was and this is my first proper fic after that so hope you liked it.  
> Not sure if I will continue it or just leave it off at this... tell me what you think down in the comments... should I continue this???  
> Hope to see you all soon!!!  
> Love ya!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You want to know what happens when you die?,” Dean finally turns around to face the angel,  
> “When you d-” he pauses, “When you are gone, I don’t just lose my best friend, Cas. I lose the only person who has always had faith in me no matter what. I lose the person who has never doubted me once, the person who has always stood next to me even when I gave them no reason to, the person who has always trusted me time after time even after I have done everything to hurt them.”  
>  _I lose the person that I love the most in the world._  
>  “When you are gone, I don’t just lose you, Cas. I lose everything.”

Dean slammed the book shut, the loud noise making the younger hunter flinch, and the other two occupants share an uneasy look from across the table they were sitting in. It had been almost two days since the angel had come clean and the air in the bunker seemed to grow tenser as each second passed. Neither the Nephilim and nor his father had tried to approach the older hunter after he had snapped at his brother when he had tried to talk him into eating something substantial.

The angel sighed loudly, making Jack and Sam look at him cautiously, and Dean shot him a dangerous look. “I’m going to the store to get some stuff,” he said, his chair silently sliding back as he stood up.

“It’s almost midnight, Cas,” Sam pointed out.

“I’m sure there will be some shops that-”

“You are not going anywhere,” Dean interrupted, his voice low.

“I am,” the angel turned his body towards the hunter, his eyes challenging the older Winchester, “And you are not going to stop me. If you have forgotten, I am an angel and I do not need your permission.”

“Well, I’m coming with you then,” Dean said without a pause, “Someones gotta make sure that you don’t do stupid stuff,” 

Castiel rolled his eyes, “The empty won’t come and take me in the middle of the grocery store, Dean,” 

The hunter visibly flinched at the words, “Well, I am not taking any chances.”

The angel closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “Okay.”

“Good,” Dean got up, “I will meet you in the garage in five minutes.” walking off towards his room to grab his coat, he stopped at the edge of the stairs. Turning, he said, “If you even think about leaving without me, I will hunt you down and cuff you to this very table.”

The angel looked at the retreating figure, and then towards the two pairs of eyes laced with pity.

“Do you need me to come with you?” Sam asked.

“No,” the angel gave him a small smile, “This is something I need to do on my own.”

“You will be fine, right?” Jack inquired.

Castiel nodded in response. “I should get going,” he gestured to the door, “We don’t need him to be angrier than he already is.”

After getting an encouraging smile from the Nephilim and a guilty look from the younger brother, the angel made his way towards the garage, internally groaning when he saw the emotionless eyes trained on him as he soundlessly slid into the car next to the older hunter.

_This was going to be a long trip._

~~~

The hunter observed the angel from across the aisle as he stood there in front of the racks, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Leaning back on the counter, Dean felt his heart hurt as he fell in love with his best friend a little bit more as the man carefully placed a glass jar into the half-filled basket, his eyes reading the name of the next item from the piece of paper held in his hand, tilting his head slightly as he tried to decipher the older Winchesters messy scrawl.

The fifteen-minute long car drive from the bunker had been much more uncomfortable than either of them had expected, neither of them speaking a word to the other no matter how much they wanted to. Dean dug his hands into his pocket, looking away before he did something stupid like walk up behind the angel and softly place a kiss on the stubbled jaw. 

He sighed loudly, making Castiel look up towards him with an eyebrow raised in question. Shaking his head, he signed towards the exit, a silent conversation flowing between the two men. The angel nodded once in response before returning his attention back towards the food items, making the hunter frown a bit before he made his way out of the store, the bell jingling as the door closed after him. 

The night air was cold against his skin, making him shiver slightly as he pulled his jacket tighter around himself. Dean knew that he was acting like a complete dick towards his brother and Jack, but he had no idea what else he could do. All these emotions he felt seemed to be clouding his senses until he had no choice other than pushing everyone away. Sitting in the library for hours together, with each page he turned, trying to figure out a way to break the deal, he had felt the desperation crawl into him, suffocating him until he was at the brink of breaking down. 

Castiel’s voice still rang in his ears, each word cutting deeper than the last one, _Why do you care so much, anyway? Didn’t you say I was dead to you?_

There were a million ways he could have answered the question, but when he actually had to, all he had been able to do was mumble the same words he had all that time ago in the middle of Purgatory.

 _Because I love you,_ he had thought.

But did you really love someone when you didn’t even realize that after all this time, the person was never really happy?

 _Because you are family,_ he had whispered.

But were you really family when you couldn’t even trust each other with something as fragile as your own life?

“Stop overthinking it,” Castiel said, sliding up noiselessly next to the hunter, startling him in the process, “You don’t have to waste your time finding a way to break the deal. I have already made my peace with it.”

“But I haven’t,” Dean didn’t care that he was starting to sound desperate, “I can’t let you die, Cas. Never again.”

“You will be fine, Dean.” the angel places a hand on the hunter’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” the hunter huffs out a humorless laugh, “I will be fine the same way I have always been when you were gone.”

Castiel tilts his head to the side confused, “I don’t understand what you mean,”

“You want to know what happens when you die?,” Dean finally turns around to face the angel, “When you d-” he pauses, “When you are gone, I don’t just lose my best friend, Cas. I lose the only person who has always had faith in me no matter what. I lose the person who has never doubted me once, the person who has always stood next to me even when I gave them no reason to, the person who has always trusted me time after time even after I have done everything to hurt them.” _the person that I love the most in the world_ , “When you are gone, I don’t just lose you, Cas. I lose everything.”

The hunters closed his eyes, taking a shaky breath, trying to control his actions as he feels the angel shift closer to him. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize-”

Before Dean realizes what he is doing, his arms wrap around the other man, pulling him close until their chests touch, closing his eyes to breathe the familiar scent in, his hands clutching the back of the trench coat desperately as if the angel would disappear the second he lets go. He forces him to relax when the angel leans into him, the warm embrace enveloping him, protecting him from the cold outside, reassuring him that he was still here.

The hunter can feel his eyes prickle, a stray tear rolling down his cheek, soaking itself into the tan fabric. After a few seconds, Castiel loosens his hold on the older Winchester only for the man to clutch on tighter, not ready to face the reality.

 _Just a few more moments,_ he prays to the angel who has always looked after him.

“Take as long as you need,” Castiel whispers back, placing a gentle hand on the human’s back, his fingertips burning into the hunter’s skin.

~~~

The ride back to the bunker was quiet, a comfortable silence filled with the soft patter of the rain and the low humming of the radio, both the hunter and the angel lost in their own thoughts. Slowing down as they entered the garage, Dean sneaked a glance at the angel only to find him already looking back, his eyes clouded with emotions that Dean couldn’t decipher. 

Dean knew that Castiel would never say a thing to anyone about what happened fifteen minutes ago unless he brought it up, and as much as Dean wanted to talk, he was scared. He was scared about Castiel not feeling the same way. He was scared about reading too much into nothing at all and ruining everything. But most of all, he was scared about losing Castiel just because he hadn’t been able to control his stupid feelings.

So instead, he says, “Can you take the bags down?”

“Sure,” The angel replies with a smile, making Dean’s treacherous heart stop for a second.

The hunter stares at Cas as he collects the three plastic bags from the back seat, then carefully walking past the other cars, he opens the door to the bunker, stepping past the threshold with a last lingering glance toward the hunter. 

Dean waits for two minutes, making sure no one will come to check on him before he closes his eyes.

“Amara,” he speaks out in the vacant room, leaning back against Baby, “I hope you can hear me. We have a problem and I really need your help and-”

“You sound desperate,” a woman says, making Dean turn around quickly, “What’s the matter?”

Swallowing once, he answers, “I need you to take me to the empty,”

Amara tilts her head slightly, “Why would you want to go to that place?”

“Cas made a deal and I need to save him,”

“So you both are still tiptoeing around each other,” she remarks. Ignoring the man’s startled expression, she questions, “And what is in it for me?”

The hunter looks away, “I have nothing to offer right now but-”

“You will owe me,”

“Yeah,” Dean agrees, nodding. Glancing up at the woman, his green eyes filled with desperation, he asks, “Will you help me?”

“I will,” Amara nods her head, “When do you want to leave?”

“Now.”

“Don’t you want to tell them where you are going?” she raises an eyebrow.

“It’s better if they don’t know,” 

“You Winchesters and your self-sacrificing tendencies,” Amara shakes her head, holding her hand out for the hunter to take. “Ready?”

“Let’s get this done,” Dean takes one last look at his car, the keys dangling from the ignition, and then towards the door leading down to the bunker library that the angel had left open for Dean.

Placing his hand upon Amaras outstretched one, he closed his eyes, his last thought, a prayer to the man he loved, his angel in the dirty trench coat.

_I’m sorry, Cas._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have the whole thing plotted out now and I really hope I will be able to complete it before 2021 but lets see... fingers crossed.  
> It would be great if you tell me your views about this!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long.... I got dragged into other projects and school is just hell and just... **SORRY!!!!!**  
>  **Ps. This has a lot of dialogues so, sorry if that's not your thing.**

The absolute stillness is the first thing Dean observes when he finds himself in the Empty, like a cold void stretching out for eternity, nothing but pitch black surrounding him from every side. He lets go of Amara’s hand as they both look around, eyes wandering as far as possible.

“I never actually did come here myself,” Amara says, her voice ringing sharply through the Empty.

“Hope you are ready for-” Dean feels the presence before he sees it, turning around sharply, the woman next to him doing the same. His breath comes short when he sees the man standing a few feet away from him, the original tan trench coat on his frame, his dark blue tie hanging down back to front, hair as messy as they had been all those years ago when they first met.

“Look who we have here!” The Empty exclaims, its face twisting into something cruel, blue eyes cold and hence unlike Castiel’s who’s had always been calm and understanding.

“Why do you look like him?” the hunter questions.

“Well, as I already told your little angel,” Dean flinches when he hears the familiar voice of the angel sounding so inhuman, “I look like me, you go mad and rip your eyes out and all. Can’t have that, can we, when there are so many better things that I can do to you?”

Dean does his best not to show his nerves, “A total mood killer for you.”

“Someone understands!” The Empty sounds joyous, its lips stretching into an icy grin, “Plus, I for a reason know that you like this appearance.”

“Yeah, well, sorry I can’t stay long to chat because got a long to-do list back home.” he takes a shaky breath, Amara’s hand coming to his back to support him, “How about you be a peach and break that stupid deal you have with Cas? Break the deal and then we all can go back to just existing with no interference ever again.”

“Did you really expect that it would be this easy?”

He shrugs, “Can't blame me now.”

The Empty looks away from him, expression morphing into something evil as his gaze finally lands on the third person present, Dean inching towards Amara on instinct, angling his body to be slightly in front of hers, ready to jump at a moments notice, “Why are you here with this wretched human?” 

“I don’t see how that concerns you,” The Darkness answers, stepping next to the hunter, her chin held high with no hint of nervousness.

“Well, it doesn’t concern me, but well,” it answers, “I wonder how  _ God  _ would react when he finds that his sister is out  _ sightseeing  _ with the Winchesters.”

“You will not tell him that I was here with Dean.” Amara says, “Because if you wanted to, you already would have.”

“Clever girl!” the Empty comments, “Your brother never did give you too much credit for your brain. Is that why you want to kill him so badly? Trying to settle the score even when you are just another piece on the chessboard.”

“Can you just-” Dean tries to interfere, the cosmic entity glancing at him before it continues.

“And what about you, Dean Winchester? How does it feel to be the one in control after all those years you spent as nothing but ‘daddy’s little-soldier’? Finally having a Nephilim, an angel, and a cosmic entity all dancing on the palm of your hand, ready to lay down their lives for you at a moment’s notice.” the hunter clenches his hands at the comment, blunt fingernails digging into his palms as he looks away from the familiar yet so foreign face in front of him,

“But you don’t really think that any of them love you, do you? Because they don’t.” The Empty’s expression changes into something deathly, “Do you really think that Jack sees you as his father after how you treated him? Because he just sees you as a broken man whom he has to stay cautious of. He still has nightmares about you making good of that promise you made to him and coming to kill him while he sleeps.” its voice is gleeful now when he sees the hunter’s reaction, “Your baby brother, little  _ Sammy _ , he only stays with you because he can’t trust you enough to let you be on your own. Remember when he told you that he hated you for the first time, he was just twelve years old back then? Well, he-”

“Dean, don’t listen to it.” Amara interrupts it, The Empty shooting her an irritated glance before looking back to Dean.

“He still hates you. He still blames you for ruining his life. If you had not gone to him that night fifteen years ago, Jess would be still alive, he would not have died, he would not have had Lucifer possess him. And of course, he would still be happy.” 

The hunter flinches as the Empty tears down all his walls, bringing up each and everything that he’s tried to push down since forever, “And you darling angel Castiel! Oh sorry, not Castiel.  _ Cas!” _ Dean hates the way the Empty made the name of the angel-the name he had given the angel- sound, something so perfect becoming something wrong, something so impure, something so  _ unloved.  _ “The angel that killed his own family for you. The angel who fell for you again and again. The angel who you call  _ family. _ But did you ever ask him if he felt the same? Did he ever want to be even associated with you or are you just another mistake he made?”

“Cas is my brother,” Dean mutters, head dropping down when he feels his  _ everything  _ being torn apart.

“ _ Brother, _ ?” he can hear the smirk in the Shadow’s voice, “But the feelings you harbor say otherwise.”

“You don’t know-”

“Honey,” the hunter flinches, “I do know what I’m talking about. I spent a long,  _ long  _ time in your beloved angel’s brain. I know all about him, from his thoughts to the way he feels about you. And do you want to know a secret?” the Empty whispers loudly, “Every time he looks at you, he can see your soul, cruel, corrupted, tainted, impure. You are nothing more than a piece of baggage he has to carry everywhere. Even when he finally thought that he was free, you drag him right back in because you know that he won’t refuse you. But what you don’t know is how much he hates you using him just for his powers. That little sad angel, he knows that he is just another pawn in your game, easily replaceable-”

“He is not replaceable,” Dean says.

“Yeah, well. He believes otherwise. And you,” The Empty turns to Amara, “Just as naïve as the rest of them, trusting a pathetic human who does nothing but lie to everyone he meets. Did you really think that he would care if you lived or died? Because he doesn’t. All he cares about is killing your brother no matter what the consequences are but well,” Dean glances at Amara, his heart thudding when he sees her shocked expression, “That’s what you get for falling for a killer.”

“Dean did not-” her brown eyes turning towards the hunter, realization dawning upon her, “You decided to kill me because otherwise, it would upset the balance.”

“See! I knew you were not as dumb as your brother!” 

Dean looks away, “It was the only way you would help us.”

“You wanted me to walk into my own death all because-” Amara pauses, remembering where they were. Taking a deep breath, she makes her expression neutral, “We will talk about it when we get back.”

“Oh, don’t stop because of me!” the Empty sounds gleeful.

Ignoring the shadow, Dean looks at Amara, unable to maintain eye contact as he nods. With a long breath, he arrives at a plan. 

Turning towards the Empty, he says, “ _ I want to make a deal _ .”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing the empty was pretty challenging for me because of its mannerism along with the cruel but bored aura was just... I hope I was able to pull it off.  
> I promise that next update will be sooner.


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel drops another tome on the wooden table before moving back to the pile of books, the loud noise echoing through the library making Sam look up at him from the other corner of the library, his furrowed eyebrows mirroring Castiel's.

“We’ll find him soon.” Jack approaches him, his careful steps making the angel wince, “Rowena says that her tracking spell is almost complete.”

“Her last two attempts to track Dean failed,” the hunter says putting the book in his hands back into the shelf before he picks up another one, “I don’t understand how he managed to ward himself off.”

“Maybe he asked someone to help him?” Castiel comments trying to hold on to some hope even after learning that no one else knew about Dean’s whereabouts. The lack of footprints out of the bunker’s garage and a dozen futile calls to everyone from Jody and Donna to Bobby had proved so.

Sam shot him a sad look, eyes tired from staying up for more than forty-eight hours. “It’s been too long though.” he let out a yawn, “Cas are you sure he didn’t mention anything else in that prayer?”

“Yes Sam.” the angel held out a book to the Nephilim, Jack quickly taking it before hurrying back to Rowena who was hunched over the Book of the Damned, Eileen sitting next to her studying Charlie’s notes spread all over the map table, “All he said was ‘I’m sorry Cas’”

Castiel flinched as the words left his mouth, the terror that had gripped him as he rushed out into the garage only to find no trace of Dean still fresh in his mind. Jack and Sam had quickly dived into action, the three of them checking each and every corner of the room to Jack and him calling all their friends while Sam searched outside. After four hours and more than a dozen missed calls to all the phones the hunter owned, Sam had finally suggested asking Rowena for help, the queen of hell agreeing without hesitation when Cas had barged into her room along with Sam while Eileen who had rushed to the bunker at five in the morning after Sams' frantic call helped Jack ‘hold down the fort’. 

“Boys?” Rowena called out, her unsure voice raising red flags in both the hunter and the angel’s mind, who quickly exchanged a glance before putting down their respective books to hurry towards the Witch.

Sam takes a look at the Nephilim expression before studying the pile of ashes on the table, “What is it?”

“Your brother is missing.” the witch says, holding up her sand to stop the hunters’ comment, “I mean he’s not on earth and neither Hell. I don’t know about heaven or-”

“Deans not in heaven either,” Cas cuts her off, “I have someone monitoring the gates.”

“Purgatory?” Eileen asks.

“Why would Dean go to purgatory?” Jack looks at Sam, “He’s not going to make another one of those-”

A loud crash stops the Nephilim, everyone turning towards the noise just as Amara lowers down Dean onto the steps of the library, Castiel immediately rushing forward to support the wounded man.

“Dean!” the younger brother kneels down, “What happened? Why are you bleeding?”

“I’m fine,” the hunter answers before brushing away the trail of blood streaming down his face with the back of his hand, wincing when his fingers brush over the deep cut, blood smearing all over the side of his face.

“Let me,” Castiel softly says, freezing when he finally notices the pitch-black smoke surrounding the hunter’s soul, “Dean,” his voice is stern as he glances at Amara who’s moved back into the library, “What did you do?”

“Give a man some time to rest, Cas.” Dean turns at him, eyes distant as he observes the angel.

“What did you do, Dean?” he repeats, everyone in the room holding their breath before Rowena finally breaks the silence.

“He made a deal,” the witch says, Eileen, shooting her a questioning look before she continues, “It’s his soul. I can see it changing.”

“Why would you-” Castiel starts before Dean cuts him off.

“He did it for you,” Amara’s voice rings through the bunker, her gaze fixed on Cas, the angel staring right back at her.

“If the Empty gets Chuck then your deal is off,” the older Winchester shrugs, “It didn’t cost much.”

“Then why is your soul changing?” Jack questions.

“Don’t know,” Dean cuts Amara off, shooting her a warning look before looking at the Nephilim with a smile, “Probably an after-effect of being in the presence of a cosmic being.”

“You mean, being  _ tortured  _ by a cosmic being?” Eileen says, Sam flinching at the words.

“Things might have gotten-” the hunter’s eyes land on the figure standing on the other side of the room, Castiel soon following his sight as he freezes, hastily getting up as he draws his angel blade, rushing through the small crowd of people to stand in front of the Empty.

“How are you here?” the angel asks, looking from the corner of his eyes when he feels another presence next to him, Amara standing a few feet away from him, her face stoic.

“I missed you too, Clarence,” The Empty drawls out, a lazy grin stretched on its lips as it leans on the metal frame of the staircase, its hands crossed in front of its chest, a bored look across Meg’s familiar features.

“How are you here?”

“Ask your little human.” It gestures towards Dean with the tilt of its head, Castiel sneaking a quick glance behind him to see Sam supporting the older hunter.

“It’s nothing,” The older Winchester tries to stand on his own, quickly leaning onto his brother when he stumbles slightly, “It will go away now.”

“Way to treat a guest,” The Empty rolls its eyes, “I thought that you might have changed your mind after-”

“We have a deal,” Dean’s voice drops into a dangerous tone, “You keep your end of the bargain and I keep mine.”

“Alright!” It raises its hands in the air, standing up straight as it shoots a chilling smile towards Dean, “I’ll see you soon.”

Before any of them can even blink, the cosmic entity is gone, a puddle of black goo seeping into the floors of the bunker before it vanishes completely, not a single trace left behind. The angel stares at the floor, his brain still catching up with the events before Dean announces, “I need my four hours.”

Castiel turns around watching Sam try to object before he stops himself, Eileen and him having a silent conversation before he quietly helps Dean down the stairs and into the hallway, Jack shooting Cas a concerned look, the angel trying his best to reassure him without saying anything before he glances back towards the corridor the two brothers had disappeared in. 

Amara walks towards him, slow steps across the few feet separating them before she comes to a stop in front of him, “He means well.” she says, eyes solemn, “When he called me asking to take him to the Empty, I was-”

“I heard that you are ready to help us,” Castiel changes the topic.

She pauses, observing him, “I need some time to think about it.”

The angel huffs, “We don’t have a lot of time.” looking around the now empty room, he adds, “I need to get back to work but,” hesitating slightly, Castiel looks down at the angel blade clutched in his hand, “You can stay I guess.”

The Darkness nods slightly, waiting a moment before walking towards the entrance leading to the kitchens, “Give him some time,” the woman tells him before stepping out of his sight, leaving him alone in the room.

**~*~**

The soft knock on the door startles Dean, his grip on the empty glass tightening before he noiselessly slides the almost full bottle of whisky he snuck from the kitchen a few hours ago under his bed, glass placed next to it before he turns towards the door.

“What is it now, Sam?” he calls out, shuffling back into the bed to try and act like he had just woken up, a blanket thrown haphazardly over his body as the door opens.

“It’s me,” Amara answers, her eyes scanning the room as she steps into it, “You haven’t changed a lot of things in the last few years.”

“When did you see my room?” Dean asks, trying to keep the conversation light.

She turns around, her gaze finally landing on Dean as she comments, “You were not sleeping.”

“Tried to get a shut-eye but all that rearrangement of organs trick that happened in my body sure messes you up a bit.” he shrugs.

“Then why haven’t you asked Castiel to heal you?” Amara questions.

“Cas is,” Dean flatters, “He is a little low on grace and well… I can handle a few broken bones.”

“It’s more than a few broken bones,” she walks towards him, hesitating slightly, “May I?”

“No, it’s fine,” he says awkwardly, “I’ll just ask Cas later.”

Amara narrows her eyes, “You don’t trust me to heal you.”

The hunter scratches the back of his neck, “It’s just something Cas does, and…”

“You don’t need to explain.” A brief silence settles in the room before she adds, “Why did you lie?”

“You mean why I didn’t tell them about the whole deal?” the hunter tries to dodge the question, shrugging before continuing, “I don’t want them to worry about me. They finally think that now we are free of all deals and it’s better if we concentrate on the problem at hand.” he hesitates, “Plus, Cas’ life for Chucks sounds like a fair deal to me but Cas’ grace for mine…”

“He won’t think twice about giving it up.” She doesn’t comment on his change of topic.

“Yeah, he is an idiot that way,” Dean shakes his head fondly, “Plus right now we need him powered up.”

She nods before turning to him, “And why did you lie to me?”

Dean sighs internally, already knowing how the conversation was going to go, “It was the only way you would help us. My entire life I was nothing but a  _ character _ in his story, and I just need it to stop. I need to put it to an end because I refuse to let him control me anymore. I refuse to let him control my life and make me go through all the shit he wants because he finds it interesting.”

“So I was just a means to this  _ end  _ of yours?” 

“I understand if you go to chuck and tell him about everything.” he looks at her, his eyes pleading, “But we-”

“You knew that you were potentially putting your whole plan of defeating my brother at risk when you called me last night, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t exactly think it through,” the hunter chuckles.

“I need some time to decide what I want to do,” Amara repeats the words she had said to an angel less than four hours ago.

“Okay,” Dean breaths aiming a small smile at her, “You staying?”

“Oh yeah,” she answers, “Castiel said that I was welcome to and I would like to take a look at those books you have.”

An uneasy feeling settles in his chest when he hears the angel’s name, pushing away the questions in his mind, he just says, “Sure.”

Amara starts to walk out of the room just as the sounds of familiar footsteps echo down the hall, the woman stopping by the door when she recognizes the approaching person. 

“I realized something in the last few hours,” she says, turning around, her gaze kind, a rueful smile on her face, “Mary Winchester was not the person whom you need the most.” 

“What I  _ need the most _ is something  _ I know I can’t have _ ,” Dean looks down at his hand, tears pricking his eyes, “Especially not on  _ borrowed time _ .”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dammit Dean!!!!!
> 
> Ps. I'm trying to finish this off as soon as I can so keep your eyes out for quicker update!!!  
> Pss. Key word is _trying_.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** This part contains heavy dialogue so sorry if thats not something you like.

Dean barely has the time to wipe the stray tear when the angel enters his room, pausing at the door for a moment as he sees Amara walking away before he turns back, confusion etched in his face along with a million other emotions that Dean can’t seem to understand.

“Hey, Cas.” the hunter says, clearing his throat before continuing, “What’s got you all-”

“You’re still hurt.” Castiel cuts him off, head slightly tilting to the side as he assesses the injuries on his face.

The hunter subconsciously puts up a hand to the bandage covering the cut on his forehead, wincing when his fingers come back covered in blood. He then looks back at the angel with a shrug, “It’s just a scratch.”

“That’s been bleeding for the past four hours,” his face is unamused as he walks towards the bed, hesitating slightly before he shuts the door behind him. He leans down a bit, lifting his hand to place on the hunter’s shoulder when Dean stops him, the man’s fingers wrapped around his wrist.

“Your tank is already low, Cas,” the hunter looks up at the angel, “Don’t waste it on me. I’ll be fine.”

“I feel that you are more important than my grace,” Cas says, Dean flinching at the statement, his grasp on the angel’s hand still strong.

“Yeah well,” the hunter trails off when he feels the calloused palm against his jaw, eyes closing at their own accord as the angel’s grace runs through him, the warm feeling accompanying sending shivers down his spine. A soft sigh escapes him when he feels his ribs healing, each breath coming more easily than the last. Barely able to stop himself from nuzzling into the warm hand cupping his face, he opens his eyes, “Thanks.”

Castiel gulps audibly before drawing his hand back, Dean lets go of the angel’s other hand as well as he looks away, his fingers clasped in his palm as he tries to forget the feeling of the trench coat fabric under them.

“You had three broken ribs and more than seven different internal bleeding sites,” the angel runs his hands through his hair before canoeing, trying his best to keep the disappointment and anger from his voice, “Why didn’t you ask me to heal-”

“I already told you that I don’t want you to waste your grace on me.” the hunter sighs, hating the direction the conversation was heading towards.

“Tending to you is not a waste of my grace, Dean.” the frustrating leaks into the angel’s voice, his words bitter, “And if not me then you could have asked Amara to heal your wounds. I’m sure she would have happily done it. After all, you both do  _ have a thing.” _

“Alright,” the hunter stands up, his gaze meeting the angels, “What’s making you throw such a bitch fit?”

“Oh, let’s see,” Castiel’s tone is calm, his eyes cold, “A  _ friend  _ of mine decided to  _ sneak out _ in the middle of the night without a word to anyone else except for a prayer saying ‘ _ I’m sorry _ ’.”

“I was trying to save you, you idiot!” Dean shouts, not caring if the noise attracts the attention of the rest of the people present in the bunker. 

“I don’t need saving!” the angel raises his voice, “Have you got any idea how worried we were when we rushed to the garage and you were not there? It was as if you had just disappeared and-” he pauses, his tone serious, “Have you got any idea how much of an idiot you were when you decided to storm into the Empty without telling anyone and with absolutely no backup? You could have died!”

“Yeah, well, I’m fine though.” the hunter drags a hand across his face, the disappointment he felt for the last few days seeping into his tired voice.

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” The angel asks, his words hitting bulls-eye, “Because I’m the one who-”

“Healed me?” Dean cuts him off, his emotions bleed into his tone, “Wasted your precious time trying to find me? Spared your-”

“I made the deal to save Jack, and you had no right to go ahead and try to break it without even giving me a choice.” 

“Stop talking as if you want to die!”

“I do not want to die but I already accepted my deal, and I was fine with the consequences because I knew that there was no way I would be able to back out without making another deal and that was fine with me but no! You just had to disappear into thin air and do exactly what I-”

“Don’t try to blame this on me!” the hunter hates the anger thrumming in his veins, his skin burning with rage, “If you really wanted to break the deal you would not have kept it a secret from us in the first place!”

_ If you really wanted to live, then you would not have kept it a secret from me!  _ He can’t help the thoughts racing inside his head.  _ If you trusted me enough to let me help you with your problems, then this would not have happened _ .

“I did what I had to do! We had a million problems to deal with and I didn’t want to add to those.” Castiel breaths, “Michael was trying to-”

“Then why did you not tell me after Michael died?” Dean’s voice breaks when he realizes the answer to his question.

“Because Jack lost his soul, and I had other more important and immediate things to worry about,” The angel huffs out a laugh, shaking his head before he continues, “And anyway, you didn’t care about me anymore.”

The hunter’s heart bleeds at the words leaving Castiel’s mouth, his chest constricting as he inhales deeply, “Why would you think that?”

_ What did I do wrong to ever make you think that I didn’t care about you? _

“Drop the act, Dean.” the man can feel the tears form in his eyes before he blinks them away, a carefully crafted mask coming into place before he completely breaks apart, cracks appearing in his walls as the angel continues, “We both know that you only keep me around because of my powers.”

“Cas-” the hunter pleads, “That’s not true.”

The angel ignores him, “I will only die when I find true happiness. And trust me, I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.”

“Why?” The words escape the human’s mouth before his mind can catch up with them.

Castiel’s words are soft, not a hint of dishonesty in them, “Because the  _ one thing I want _ is something  _ I know I can’t have _ .”

Dean doesn’t know what to say as the angel repeats his words from less than fifteen minutes ago, silence settling over the room as both their breaths echo against the cold walls, a sound the hunter would have loved to hear in other circumstances.

A few minutes pass before he whispers, “I didn’t let Amara heal me because It’s something I can only trust you with.”

“You need to start trusting her then,” Castiel sighs, “If she still decides to help us, that is.”

“She will come around.” the hunter collapses back into his bed, exhaustion finally taking over him.

“I won’t be so sure about that,” the angel finally looks at him, his words carefully chosen, “You do realize that you might have just cost us our most powerful ally, right?”

Dean turns his head towards him, green eyes meeting blue ones. “That’s fine.”

_ You are worth it.  _

Castiel just gives him a small smile, “I actually came to wake you up. Rowena thinks that she might have found us a way to defeat Chuck, and she wanted to discuss it with us.”

The hunter gives a lingering look towards his bed before standing up, unsteady on his feet, his hand immediately trying to find purchase on his side table when his vision blurs, “Let’s go.”

Castiel puts his arm around the man’s frame, helping him stay on his feet, “I can tell them that you are still sleeping if you-” 

“No, it’s fine,” Dean cuts him off, hesitating before he lets himself lean into the angel, cherishing the warmth against his side when he realizes that this might be the last time he ever touches him. 

The angel gives him one last glance before leading him towards the door, the hunter selfishly taking everything the angel gives him and then asking for more, knowing that Castiel would never deny him.

Stumbling slightly, he rests his forehead against his angel’s shoulder in an uncomfortable embrace, Castiel not speaking a word as he tightens his hold on him. Dean closes his eyes, letting the angel flood his senses, softly breathing him in until he is dizzy on the scent.

_ Just a little bit more.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay the _argument_ was totally unplanned and this was just going to be a small chapter but Cas just had to go ahead and lose his temper and well... here we are.
> 
> Next chapter may take some time because my exams are going on but I'll try to update as soon as I can.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is more of a filler chapter with loads of dialogue.   
> Sorry!!!

The wooden table feels cool against Dean’s forehead, his eyes closed as he tries to block out the rapid whispering going in the background, the sound of clicking heels and shuffling of pages filling up the library in the smaller hours of the night. The hunter lifts his forehead to lock eyes with Eileen sitting across from him, a tired look on her face as she tries to focus on the conversation going around.

‘ _ These three are always like this? _ ’ she signs, a subtle nod towards the trio of witch, angel, and hunter, Jack standing next to Cas as he reads through the book in his hand.

Dean just nods his head, stifling a groan when he checks the time. They had been holed up in the library for the last almost twenty hours now, eyes glued to books they had gone through a million times, trying to find a way to kill Chuck. The hunter snuffs down his irritation, the tense atmosphere along with the tiredness in his bones making him more cranky than usual. 

He kicks Eileen under the table to get her attention, ‘ _ Can you wrestle Sammy to bed? _ ’

Hesitating before nodding her head, she swiftly glances at the taller man for a moment, ‘ _ What about the rest?’ _

He hardly thinks as he answers, ‘ _ I can handle Jack but Cas is-’  _

A throat clears in the background making Dean stop, hands dropping on the table with a bang as he pulls a fake smile on his face before facing the angel. “Cas?”

Castiel just stares at him in response, blue eyes capturing Dean’s green ones. The hunter swallows, the air buzzing around them as they go back to their old staring game.

“Uh,” Sam breaks the spell, the older Winchester forcing his gaze towards his brother with practiced moments, “Cas and Rowena might have come up with something. We are not sure if it will work, but it’s a good plan.”

Dean takes a deep breath, mentally saying goodbye to sleep as he addresses the witch, “What have you got, Ariel?”

She shoots him an unamused look, opening her mouth to reply as Castiel cuts her off.

“We think that Rowena can rip out Chuck powers from him,” The angel’s voice is calm, “We can’t kill him directly because then it would upset the cosmic balance but-” he takes an unsure look at the younger Winchester before continuing, “Sam thinks that it’s Amara and Chucks powers that balance each other and not them themselves.”

“So if we take away Chuck’s mojo then he’s just another human and the cosmic scales won’t give a fuck if he dies because the powers are still balanced?” Dean summarises, snuffing out the flicker of hope inside him as he observes the unconfident look in the angel’s eyes.

“Yeah,” Jack nods, “But we are not sure if-”

“It is possible.” Amaras voice rings out from the doorway, everyone turning their eyes to look at her as she walks into the room, her face set with determination, “You are right in assuming that it’s our powers that are balanced rather than us.”

“So if we can take chuck powers from him then it doesn’t matter if he lives or dies.” Eileen finally says, her words a statement more than a question.

“Yes,” The Darkness speaks, “But how do you plan to do it?”

“We already have a spell that can rip an angel’s grace out,” Rowena says, Castiel shuffles in his place, the slight moment caught by no one else other than Dean, “I can enhance it as needed.”

“We will only get one chance at this, Rowena.” Eileen points out, “Will you be able to do it?”

She swallows, all eyes trained on her as she nods, “I will do it.”

“Okay,” The older Winchester says, locking his eyes with everyone in the room before it lands on Amara, “You have made your decision?”

“Yes,” The woman stares solemnly, “But I have a condition.”

Dean nods, signaling her to continue.

“I will help you if you promise to give me a chance to talk to him before you go ahead with your plan,” Amara doesn’t look away, “He’s my brother, and I-” she pauses, taking a deep breath, “I want to try to convince him to stop.”

The hunter stays silent, turning towards the angel and his brother, he raises his eyebrow in silent questioning.

“Okay,” Sam answers for everyone, the tension easing in his room slightly as everyone takes in a breath, precession the information. Castiel moves forward to sit in the empty chair next to the older Winchester, the younger brother moving towards the other side of the table to occupy the one next to Eileen who offers him a soft smile.

“Thank you,” The Darkness’ voice is soft before her expression changes into a neutral one. She turns towards the Queen of Hell, “So, who is going to inherit all the power that you will take from my brother?”

Dean freezes, sharing a confused look with the angel next to him before he questions, “What do you mean?”

“You rip out his powers so that he becomes human,” She says slowly, “Then who becomes the new God?”

“We were uh-” Sam shoots a hesitant look at his brother, “I think we all agree that it would be better if there was no God.” Amara furrows her eyebrows before the hunter continues, “After everything, it’s probably better if no one gets that much power.”

“Then how are you going to contain it?” 

“In a vial?” Dean’s voice is uncertain, “The same way we keep angel grace.”

“You can’t-” She pauses, “My brother’s power is something far more grateful than angel grace, Dean. You can’t store it in a vial. Not for long. His power needs to be wielded by someone otherwise it would burst like a nuclear bomb destroying everything ever created.”

“Can you control it?” Castiel adds, after a moment, “Or  _ inherit  _ it.”

“I am The Darkness,” Amara states, “Our powers don’t mix well together.”

“How long do you think we can contain it?” Eileen speaks up.

“A day at most,” the woman responds before scanning everyone in the room as it focuses on Jack, “It had to be one of you who will have to take over.”

“One of us?” Rowena says, Sam, shooting her a warning look.

“You won’t be able to,” Amara looks at her, “You are already the Queen of Hell. Your powers, like mine, repel his.”

“Oh,” she says dejectedly before her tone changes into her usual chirpy one, “So who’s the lucky one?”

Dean turns towards his brother, a silent conversation passing as-

“Your bodies won’t be able to handle that much power,” Amara interrupts them, “Nor will Eileen’s’”

“Why?” Sam tilts his head.

“Human bodies are hardly capable enough of holding an Angel,” Castiel answers this time, “So any human who tries to control that much power-”

“-we go Ben Childress’.” Dean sighs, looking away from the confused expression on the angel’s face that makes his heart tug.

“I’ll do it.” Jack finally says, making all heads turn towards him.

“No!” Dean immediately protests, “There’s no way I’m allowing you to-”

“It’s what I was always meant to do.” 

“You are three!” the hunter gets up from his seat.

The Nephilim stays calm, “It’s my destiny.”

The older Winchester runs a hand through his hair in frustration, his brain coming up with all the reasons why this was a good idea. He sneaks a look at the blue eyes focused on him before he shuts off his brain. Deciding to follow his heart, he makes his way towards Jack, stopping in front of him. He rests a hand on his shoulder, the hunter’s voice soft enough for only the both of them to hear, “Now listen here, kid. You don’t have a pre-written destiny or a plot you need to follow.” Dean hesitates a second, “You are my son and I won’t let you take that burden no matter what.”

“It’s either me or Cas.” jack says.

“Then Cas will do it.” the hunter says without a second thought, His eyes widening when his brain catches up with his mouth. Slowly turning towards the said angel, he swallows, “Cas?”

Castiel keeps his eyes fixed on the table, inhaling deeply before he replies, “You are right,” the angel looks at the hunter, “Jack won’t do it and that’s final.”

“So you will do it?” Dean doesn’t like the way the angel avoids his eye.

“I will,” Castiel answers, voice wavering before he clears his throat. Looking up at Amara, he repeats himself, “I will do it.”

“You will need your grace for that.” The Darkness furrows her eyebrows as she takes a glance at Dean, the hunter giving her a warning look.

“I admit my grace is a bit weak but if we hurry then it won’t be a problem.” the angel looks at Rowena, “How long do you think you will need?”

“A day or two roughly.” the witch responds, “A bit less if Samuel helps.”

“Sam is going to sleep,” Eileen shoots the hunter a stern look when he starts to protest.

“Castiel?” the redhead turns towards the angel.

“Okay,” he replies, his words proceeding into a silence that settles over them, each one too occupied in their own thoughts.

Dean stares at the angel sitting on the chair with the corner of his eye, his rigid posture making alarm bells go off in his head.

“I’m hitting the hay,” Sam says, getting up as he rubs his eyes, “Wake me up if you need anything.”

Jack nods, “I think that I should sleep a bit too.”

“I need a drink,” Dean sighs, turning towards Eileen, “Make sure he sleeps for at least eight hours.”

“Of course,” She gives him a two-fingered salute before she gets up from her seat, exiting the room as Sam and Jack follow her lead.

“So,” Rowena looks at the rest of them, “I better get started if we want this to be over with soon.”

“Dean?” Amara speaks, “Can we talk for a moment?”

The hunter nods slowly, “Lead the way.”

The woman observes him for a moment before walking out the room from the library, Dean following her with one last lingering look at the angel. 

They hardly walk four steps into the pharmacy before she turns around, her eyes neutral as she announces, “So you still haven’t told him about your Deal.”

The man groans, “Are we really talking about this again?”

“I just want to know your reason.” Amara shrugs.

“I have already come to terms with my deal and I am happy to die after all this is over.”

She tilts her head, “Your deal was that either the Empty takes you or it takes Castiel’s grace. I don’t understand why you are so unsure over even telling him that.”

“Cas is an angel,” Dean leans against the wall, “Their grace is like one of their limbs. I can’t ask him to give up his grace for me. He’s already sacrificed enough.”

“So you are ready to die if it means that he is  _ complete _ ?”

“Yeah,” the hunter sighs, “I would happily die if I knew that he gets to live.”

Amara stares at him with an unreadable look, “I still don’t understand.”

He gives her a sad smile, “You won’t”

_ Because it’s love. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, this was more of a filler chapter but it does plan out on what's going to happen. Next chapter will contain proper destiel though. Promise!!!
> 
> Ps. I hope that my whole 'plan' to defeat Chuck was not that bad. I am trying to stray as little as I can from canon because its just too messy otherwise and well... Tell me what you thought about it!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long!!!!!   
> As promised... loads of destiel.

Dean hesitates slightly before noiselessly pushing the door open, scant yellow light coming from the storage room making him blind for a second before his eyes adjust. He scans the old room before his eyes land on the figure of another person hunched over a book, shoulders tense as he leans against a rusty shelf.

“Hello, Dean,” he says, his gaze trained on the book, his fingers gentle as they flip the page.

“So this is where you have been hiding,” the hunter enters the room, footsteps soft as he walks towards the angel, his brain running as he observes the way he avoids his eyes.

Castiel doesn’t look up, “I was not hiding.”

Dean rolls his eyes, sarcasm dripping into his tone, “That explains why no one has seen you for the last two days.”

The angel barely reacts to the statement, instead turning around to place the book back on the shelf, “Has there been any progress with the spell?”

Dean sighs, running his fingers through his hair, “Rowena finished it this afternoon and Amara said that it should work.” 

Castiel hums in response, “So what is the plan?”

“Tomorrow afternoon we are gonna do it,” he says, “Amara will first take her shot at convincing Chuck to stop and during the talk, she will lure him to where Rowena will be ready. She said that it can only be performed in an open field, so Sam is currently searching for a suitable place. The spell is almost complete but there are still a few ingredients which she will have to add at the very last moment so Sam is going to help her while I keep a watch. Jack and Eileen will be ready as a backup a few miles away so if anything goes wrong, they can fly in to help.”

The angel nods, “What do I have to do?”

“Nothing,” Dean takes a deep breath readying himself for the argument as he continues, “We all decided that you shouldn’t waste your mojo so-”

He cuts the hunter off, glancing at him before turning away, his voice sharp, “-you want me to sit here and do nothing while you all face God with no backup?”

“We will hardly need backup, Cas,” he says, “We got the Queen of Hell as well as Amara with us and Jack is going to be there too if we need.”

“Fine,” Castiel sighs, his mind already moving on to the next issue, “I will stay here and do as I am told.”

Dean furrows his eyebrows, red flags raising inside his head when he realizes how less of a fight the angel put up. 

“Cas,” he whispers prompting the angel to look at him. When the angel doesn’t respond, he hesitates slightly before putting his hand on his shoulder, revealing the familiar feel of the trench coat under his palm, he turns him around gently so that they face each other, Castiel staring down at the ground as he speaks, “Talk to me.”

“I don’t want to be a burden on you all and I realize I won’t be of much help if I don’t use my powers so it’s better if I don’t accompany you.” the angel hesitates, “I just don’t want to feel completely useless and-”

“ _You are not useless_ ,” the hunter runs a hand over his face, “You are playing the most important role and all of us agreed that it’s better if you stay safe so that Chuck can’t harm you and I know you don’t enjoy sitting out but-” he pauses, “Do you want to accompany us because you are worried that the plan is not good enough? Do you think that we need more protection or-”

“No, it’s not that,” Castiel answers, “I don’t have any problem with your plan of killing Chuck and I know that you all can handle yourself just fine so-”

“Then what are you worried about?” Dean stops his rambling, his words filled with an emotion neither of them wanted to name.

“It’s uh-” the angel gulps before looking up, his eyes finally meeting green ones, “That last time when I had that much power, when I- when I had declared myself as God,” he pauses, “The things I did, the lives that I took, I-”

“That’s not gonna happen again,” Dean tells him, the softness in his voice surprising both of them.

“You don’t know that, Dean.” Castiel’s voice breaks, “What if things go wrong again? What if I go bad? What if I become like Chuck and-”

“You won’t,” the hunter says firmly, his hand on the angel’s shoulder squeezing it briefly, “You’ve got Sam and Jack to help you this time.”

“And _you?”_ the angel asks softly, Dean’s throat constricting as he lies through his teeth, his heart bleeding with each word that slips out of his mouth.

“ _Of course_ ,” he tries a smile, “You got me too.”

Castiel nods, his shoulders relaxing slightly before he stills, blue eyes serious as he says, “Can you promise me something, Dean?”

“Anything,” the hunter sneaks a glance at the angels’ lips as he licks them before forcing himself to look back up.

“Promise me that you will kill me if something happens or if I do something bad.” 

The human stops, his breath coming to a halt as he processes the words, “Cas, I can’t-”

“Please,” The angel steps up closer, their bodies inches apart, “I need to know that _you will be the one who drives the blade into my heart when the time comes_.”

Dean gulps, the proximity of the other man’s face making it hard to think as his mind flashes back to twelve years ago, the sound of the demon blade impaling a trench-coat clad body still clear in his mind. He shakes his head, pushing the thoughts away as he whispers, “ _Why should it be me?_ ”

_ Why should I be the one who will have to sacrifice my heart for the greater good again? _

_ Why should I be the one who has to kill you?  _

_ Why should it be my hands that get covered in your blood? _

Castiel smiles sadly, something flashing in his eyes before he covers it up, “Do you _promise_?”

“Yeah, I promise.” He breathes out, “ _Even though I don’t know if I will be still around then._ ”

“I’m sure you will find a way,” the angel says as he steps back, Dean instantly missing the warmth that had been radiating off the angel.

A silence settles on them, Dean fighting the urge to pull Castiel back against him even if it’s for a brief hug when he notices his hand still on the angel’s shoulder, dropping it hastily, he tries to cover up the motion by putting it in his pocket, fingers wrapping around the cold keys, he feels a grin tugging up his lips.

“So Cas,” he says, turning to find the angel already staring up at him, the golden glow of the light casting long shadows against his tan skin, “ _Last night on earth. What are your plans?_ ”

A second passes before he recognizes the words from a lifetime ago, an amused look on his face “ _I assure you I don’t want to visit another den of iniquity ever again_.”

“And here I was thinking that knowing me might have somehow changed you” the hunter laughs, pushing away his bitter tone, he continues, “At least you are not a virgin anymore.”

In a gentle tone, Castiel says, “ _Knowing you did change me, Dean. In ways you can’t even fathom_.”

“Yeah,” he turns away to hide the blood rushing to his face, not knowing how to reply, he instead asks, “So you up for a drive?”

The angel hesitates, “I am not sure if we should-”

“ _Don’t make me push you_.” Dean steps back with a smirk, checking his watch, he says, “Meet me in the car in ten minutes.”

“Dean-” Castiel starts just as the hunter turns around, waving his hand in the air to dismiss his statement before exiting the room, “ _This is a bad idea_.”

“Ten minutes, Cas!” the human calls out over his shoulder, his voice echoing in the hallways as the angel sighs before following him out the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is already written and I think I will post it tomorrow or day after so see ya then!!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is Thelma, Cas is Louise and they are gonna _almost_ hold hands and _try not to_ sail off the cliff together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School decided to kill me but I somehow got this done on time.

The night is slightly cold, midnight blue sky clear, stars shining against the dark canvas of the night, the crescent moon painting the sky in an ethereal glimmer. Driving down a random stretch of road, Dean glances at the passenger side where the angel sits, softly humming to the song on the radio as he leans his head out of the window, eyes closed as the air runs through his hair, the passing streetlights hitting his skin making him look like the angel.

The hunter forces his eyes back to the road for a second, making sure to take the correct exit as he eases off in front of a small cliff, nothing extravagant but something just perfect enough to celebrate his last night on earth with. He turns off the engine before relaxing into the warm leather seats, hands still resting against the steering. He stares out into the darkness, the faint glow of the moon and the gentle flicker of the stars being the only source of light.

 _This is what The Empty will be like,_ he thinks to himself, _Exactly like this except the noise of the winds rustling the leaves and the soft breathing of the angel._

He twisting in his seat to look towards the person in the shotgun, his breath stopping in his throat when he instantly finds blue eyes staring back into his. Even in the dark, Castiel just looked as beautiful, a perfect silhouette against the night sky. Dean traces the shadows of his eyelash against his face, gaze wandering all over his face for a few moments before it comes to rest on his lips, the curve clearly visible in the moonlight. He takes a shallow breath before moving his eyes back up, memorizing each and every line on the angel’s face, treasuring the moment before it slips away.

 _This is worth spending eternity in The Empty for_ , Dean smiles at the thought, _He is worth it_.

He doesn’t know how much time passes before Castiel clears his throat; the sound pulling the hunter back to reality as he breaks eye contact, hoping that his blush won’t be visible.

“What were you thinking about?” the angel asks softly.

Dean shakes his head, “Just worried about tomorrow.”

He moves his gaze across the hunter’s face, “I am sure that you all will be safe. Amara is more than capable of protecting you all.”

“That’s not what I am worried about,” The human tries to smile as he peeks at the other man briefly, a sigh escaping him when he sees the questioning look on the angel’s face. Opening his mouth, he rushes the words out before his brain can overthink it, “ _I am not ready to die_.”

Castiel furrows his eyebrows at him, head tilting slightly, as he starts to say something before thinking better of it as he gestures to the other man to continue.

“After so many years I finally have _something I want to live for_ and I-” he trails off.

Waiting for a few moments to make sure that he doesn’t have anything else to say, the angel speaks, “Amara will not let any one of you die, Dean. Everything is going to go according to the plan tomorrow, so you have nothing to worry about.”

“Plans change, Cas.” Dean huffs out a small laugh, “We both know that _something always goes wrong_.”

“Not this time,” Castiel places a hand on his shoulder, “I can promise you that you will get to live another few decades and-”

The hunter cuts him off, “ _Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Cas._ ”

“I promise you that I will do _everything I can_ to make sure you get to grow old and have a family like you always wanted to before you have to go to heaven.” The angel shakes his head as the hunter mumbles something about him being a _stubborn idiot_ before continuing, “After tomorrow, you will finally be free. You can do anything you want and _no one will try to stop you_.” Dean chuckles at the statement, “After tomorrow, you can finally allow yourself to be happy.”

The hunter looks at him, his eyes honest, “ _I am happy_ , Cas.”

“I am glad,” Castiel whispers, his words laced with a deeper meaning as he smiles softly before turning back.

After a short pause, Dean turns to stare outside, observing the few feet of land in front of the car. He barely hesitates before opening the door, the sound of the moving metal making the angel stared at him curiously. Shutting the door with a loud bang, he leans down, resting his forearms on the window. He smirks at the other man, “Have you ever stargazed?”

Castiel shakes his head slowly in response.

“Neither have I,” the hunter says, “So come out and join me.”

The angel hesitates before turning around to exit the car. A huge grin blooms on Dean’s face before he straightens up to walk towards the cliff. Shoving his sweaty hands into his coat pocket, he stops to wait for the other man to join him.

“The grass is wet,” the angel says, coming to stand in front of dean.

“Uh,” the hunter looks down to notice the soft gleam of dew over the small leaves before looking up awkwardly, “I didn’t think this through.”

“Maybe we could just sit in the car and-”

“No,” Dean cuts him off, “We are doing this the proper way even if it means that my clothes get a bit dirty.”

Castiel waits for a second before sighing as he starts to remove his trench coat, the hunter’s eyes widening at the gesture as he slowly gulps, his mouth suddenly dry as he takes a shaky breath.

Spreading the trench coat over the wet ground, the angel glances at him, “I know that it is not a blanket, but I hope this will work.”

“Yeah,” Dean’s voice trembles slightly. He hesitates before dropping to the ground over the tan fabric, making sure to keep enough space for the angel as he lies down, the other man following his lead.

 _Breath,_ his brain reminds him, the hunter complying as he inhales softly, his nerves lighting up from each brief touch as the other man moves next to him, shifting every few seconds as he tries to find a comfortable position.

“Hey,” he says softly, pausing before he places his hand on top of the other man’s clenched one, the motion making him freeze, “You need to relax.”

Castiel waits a second before nodding, his fist relaxing under Dean’s hand as he moves one last time before completely letting go, the tension bleeding out of his shoulders. He places one of his arms behind his head, the other pressed up against Dean, their hands laying between them, one on top of the other.

“This feels nice,” the angel mumbles after a while, resisting the urge to flip his hand so that they can intertwine their fingers.

“I can’t believe I never did it before.” Dean agrees, a small silence enveloping them before a question slips out of his mouth, “Have you ever thought about giving up your grace and becoming human?”

Castiel stiffens, the hunter’s heart dropping to his chest at the reaction. 

_He’s an angel, Winchester_ , the voice in his brain supplies, _Why did you ever think that he would ever want to be anything else_?

He grimaces, “You don’t have to reply-”

“I have never thought about it,” the angel cuts him off, “My powers have been failing me for a long time now and I accepted that I would soon become human and I was fine with it.” a break, “If I really have to sacrifice my grace then _I would do it_ but-”

“-you won’t be yourself anymore?” Dean guesses.

“ _My grace is not what defines me._ ” Castiel says, turning his head to look at him, the hunter doing the same, “It hasn’t for quite some time now.”

“Then what does?” the human whispers, his brain instructing him to look away. He decided to be selfish one last time as he continues to stare.

“ _My family_ .” The angel answers, “I was meant to be a soldier, but _you_ taught me to be something else, something more. Because of you, _I rebelled_ . Because of you, _I cared_ . Because of you, _I love_ .” he pauses, eyes roaming over the hunter’s face, “And I’m not going to lose that _if I become human._ ”

Dean feels his throat constrict, heart beating loudly in his chest as he blinks twice trying to hide the tears that had formed, Castiel’s words burnt into his brain.

_Because of you, I love._

The hunter purses his lips to stop himself from uttering his biggest secret, dousing the small flicker of hope in waves of truth, he looks back at the sky above before he closed the small distance between them, his fingers digging themselves into the grass so he doesn’t turn over to bury them in the angel’s hair.

 _I love you,_ he wants to say. “Thank you,” he mumbles instead.

He watches the small sad smile on Castiel’s face from the corner of his eye before he covers it up, turning his head back to look at the stars, “Thank you for tonight.”

Dean squeezes his hand in response, moving slightly closer to the angel’s warm body, he breathes deeply, deciding to enjoy the rest of their time together.

After all, _it was his last night on earth_.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out a bit more romantic than I thought it would but then it feels like Dean is finally pulling his walls down and pushing that line because he knows that he is gonna die soon and Cas is trying not to get his hopes up.  
> I feel so bad for these two but then I'm happy because at least they are finally trying put themselves first.  
> Ps. I'm trying to get this done as soon as I can so now updates will be a bit faster than before.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god! I'm so sorry I didn't upload this sooner. Last week wasn't the best for me and I kinda burned my fingers a bit too so I was unable to type anything. Don't worry I am better now. I tried to edit this as much as possible but I'm sorry if I missed something.  
> Anyway, onto the story now!

The duffle bag feels heavy in his hands as he drops it into the trunk before stepping back, Sam soon replacing him as he carefully arranges the ingredients for the spell. The tense garage air feels heavy against his skin, his green on the driver’s seat of the impala along with his flannel shirt, leaving him in his black t-shirt feeling practically naked. Dean’s eyes drift towards the other end of the room where Castiel stands besides Eileen’s red Valiant, his trench coat lying on the hood of the car while he talks to Jack, the Nephilim’s head shaking rapidly. Dean furrows his eyebrows, trying to think what they must be arguing about when Castiel looks up to meet the hunter’s eyes.

Dean can feel the tension hovering over the twenty feet separating them, his breath visibly hitching when something flashes in the angel’s eyes before he pushes it away, last night like an invisible weight on both of their shoulders. Castiel tilts his head softly to a side, a million words passing before the hunter smiles softly, the angel mirroring him tentatively.

The years of hidden glances and lingering touches pressing down on him make him dart his gaze around the garage to make sure no one is watching. Sam stands near the doorway with Eileen, the fondness in his eyes as he looks towards her making Dean turn away. Rowena stands next to the Impala along with Jack and Amara, neither of them paying attention to him as he walks towards the angel.

Castiel waits patiently, gaze trained on him making Dean swallow slightly, his walls coming up with each step he takes, a carefree expression covering all the traces of hesitation he feels.

“Heya, Cas,” the hunter stops in front of him, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he leans on the cold metal.

“Dean,” the angel says, the name rolling off his tongue in practiced motion making him shiver slightly.

He looks over the black suit jacket, wrinkles from last night visible under the bright lights. With a head tilt to gesture at the trench coat, “I could have cleaned it for you.”

Castiel shakes his head, blue eyes running over the mud clinging onto the tan surface, “I like it.”

_ I like it too _ , he thinks, gaze sliding over broad shoulders and the lean structure that had almost always been hidden under the shapeless trench coat,  _ It makes you look a little less angelic, a little less forbidden. It makes my feelings a little more _ ...

Dean blinks away for a moment, his heart slightly speeding up at the statement, his gaze landing on the coat. He can still feel the familiar roughness under his cheek, the strong smell of the angel enveloping him as he wakes up, sapphire eyes following his every movement as he slowly opens his eyes, the sky tinted red with the sun peaking over the horizon, a lazy smile stretching over his lips when he feels the warmth of a hand under his, fingers almost entwined with his own.

_ Almost. _

The sharp tug in his heart makes him drop his head, the need to touch the angel making his hand twitch before he decides to let it go, his legs moving in their own as he moves forward, catching Castiel by surprise as he almost crashes onto him, fingers clutching the back of the suit desperately. The angel hesitates before his arms wrap around the hunter, his firm grip making him relax slightly.

“What is it, Dean?” Castiel asks, warm air grazing Dean’s ear, words almost whispered into his skin.

“Nothing,” he replies, loosening his hold to give the angel a chance to let go, smiling when he doesn’t. The hunter turns his face, tucking it against Castiel’s neck. The line he had been toeing for the past decade almost invisible as he rubs his nose against the crook of his neck, the soft brush of lips against tan skin earning him a startled gasp followed by a shaky breath.

“Cas,” Dean mumbles, the angel humming in response. “When I die,” he says, the angel’s body tensing against his,  _ “I don’t want you to blame yourself for it. _ ”

A second passes before he feels the arms around him tighten, fingers digging into his skin, leaving bruises in its wake. “You are not going to.” 

The hunter doesn’t reply, tired of all the lies he’s said in the last few days. Instead, he closes his eyes, letting himself get lost in the moment, hoping against hope that these seconds would drag themselves towards infinity, the back of his lids burning with each memory passing behind them.

Neither of them knew how much time passed before Sam calls out his name, the feel of several eyes on his back making him tense, Castiel letting him go easily as he steps back, regret-filled green eyes meeting blue ones.

“ _ I could go with you _ ,” the angel offers.

Dean shakes his head softly at the statement, taking a small breath he purses his lips to stop himself from agreeing, eyes dropping to the angel’s lips briefly before he looks back up, scared to cross the small distance between them.

His fingers tremble as it reaches for the angels, hidden from everyone’s view, the small touch warming him up from the inside.

“Stay safe,” Castiel says, his other hand coming up to rest on the hunter's shoulder, the familiar gesture easing his nerves.

Dean nods his head, lingering for a second longer than necessary, “Don’t do something I won’t.”

With another hundred words hanging between them, they make their way towards the rest of them; the hunter exchanging a quick look with Amara before she disappears into thin air.

Tuning out everyone talking in the background as Dean shrugs on his shirt and coat, deep in his thoughts as the battle armor wraps around his body with practiced ease, unlike the morning, the feel of eyes following his every move making him feel on the edge. Without turning around to face his brother, he climbs into the Impala, the sound of the door closing after him making everyone’s attention turn towards him for a second before Rowena enters the back seat, Sam following her in soon after.

Silence settles inside the car before Dean turns on the ignition, the rumble of the engine echoing the large room, comforting feel of the leather against his palms making his shoulder drop slightly. 

“Sam,” Eileen says, the younger hunter’s eyes soft as he rolls down the window.

“Yeah?” he asks, Dean turning towards her.

_ 'I love you,’ _ she signs, the slight tremble in her fingers visible.

Feeling like an intruder, the older hunter looks away from the scene, unable to help the slight envy creeping into his heart when he hears the same three words that had been hanging off the tip of his tongue for years, now escaping his brother’s lips.

Dean glances towards Castiel, blue eyes already observing him through the side mirror, his expression completely vulnerable. Unable to hold the gaze, he turns away, the knowledge that this would probably be the last time he would ever see  _ his  _ angel bittersweet in the hunter's mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is not my best but I hope this chapter didn't suck _that_ much.   
> I promise the next chapter is way longer than this and I hope I will be able to finish it by Monday.  
> See ya then!!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting it a day early because I stayed up all night yesterday to finish it and I think that you guys deserved this after waiting for so long the last time.

Dean kneels down, the harsh rays of the afternoon sun burning against his skin, the rocks digging into his jeans. He scans the small field, a few miles of barren land stretching out in front of him. Chanting comes from behind him, Rowena’s words precise and practiced as she motions for the other brother to slowly add the holy oil into the bronze bowl.

Sam’s phone buzzes on the ground beside him. The hunter reads the name flashing on the screen before quickly passing it into his outstretched hand, Jack’s voice flowing through the speaker a few seconds later as he confirms their position a few miles away. Dean makes out the sound of Eileen moving in the background, the smooth noise of a gun barrel sliding following soon after.

He can still hear three words ringing in the air before he pushes it away, instead eyes sweeping the area one more time.

The hunter clutches the gun in his hand, knuckles whitening as the grip digs into his palm. Dean looks down at his fingers, the digits that had almost buried themselves in strands of dark brown hair now tracing the silver barrel. He strokes the cold metal, the smooth surface making him miss the rough texture of the tan fabric.

_ Stay safe,  _ the gravelly voice says against his ear, the hunter reveling in the feel of rough stubble against his neck.

_ Don’t do something I wouldn’t. His _ own words echo in his brain, the hand on his shoulder exactly where the burnt handprint had been as they pulled back. The hunter smiles, the angel mirroring him. 

The air crackles around them, making him snap back into reality.

_ A warning _ .

Dean glances at Sam, their shoulders tense. The younger hunter picks up his gun from the ground, a sharp nod towards his brother before both of them stand up, taking their position on either side of the witch. The winds pick up around them, Rowena’s hair barely moving as she starts the spell, her eyes glowing brighter with each word she speaks, her voice drowning in the roaring winds.

“What’s happening?” Dean shouts, eyes tracing the perfect circle surrounding them, not a single gust touching them. He turns towards Sam, “Is it the spell?”

The other man shakes his head, starting to say something just as the air stills, the unearthly aura alerting them of the new presence even before they can see the two newcomers, Amaras back towards them as she stands in front of them, Chuck a few feet away, a bored expression on his face.

“Really, sis?” he says, twisting slightly to look around before turning back to them, gaze landing on the older brother for a second before he plants his steely grey eyes on his sister. Raising an eyebrow, he asks, “Is this a parent trap sort of thing? ‘Cause no.”

Dean watches Amara’s shoulder move slowly as she takes a deep breath, her hands twitching in the smallest movement in her side as she stares at her brother.

With an unamused look on his face, Chuck raises his hand, snapping his fingers as he says, “ _ Hasta la vis _ .”

The hunter instantly digs his heels into the ground, preparing himself for God’s wrath when nothing happens, silence encompassing them for a moment when even Rowena stops her steady chanting to look up at them, frustration visible on Chuck’s face as he snaps his fingers again.

“Okay, well, why is that not working? Is this a trap?” he asks, eyes scanning the field before he walks towards Amara, skirting around her he pauses a meter away from the circle surrounding them, shooting Amara a shocked expression when she turns around to face him.

“I gave you an out,” even with the tremble in her voice, her words are precise, “But you just _wouldn’t_ take it.”

“You B-word!” 

Inhaling deeply, Amara continues, “The Winchesters have found a way to bind you, Brother.”

“What?” he whispers, furrowing his eyebrows slightly before he shakes his head, “No.”

She just nods, taking an unsteady breath.

“No!” Chuck exclaims, the shout making everyone flinch. Dean’s finger comes to rest on the trigger just as God strides towards his sister, stopping less than two feet away in front of her, “You can’t hold me here forever.”

Amara takes a step forward to shield the hunters and the witch from him, the Light and Darkness face to face, hatred in one’s eyes while determination in the others. With her nails digging into her palm, without a hint of fear, she speaks, “ _I can hold you long enough_.”

“Why would you do this?” Chuck questions scanning her face, “Why would you choose Dean Winchester, the man who has lied to you and didn’t care if you lived or died over your own brother?”

The air stills, the waves of power coming off the brown-haired woman making the hair stand on his neck. “Dean didn’t lie to me,” Amara whispers.

“He lied to his whole family a hundred times this past week and you know it.” 

The hunter freezes, ignoring the sharp intake of breath from his brother, he keeps a steady eye on Amara, waiting for her answer. She takes a glance at him briefly before answering, “He has his reasons.” A pause, “And I believe him.”

Chuck huffs out a laugh. Rolling his eyes, he turns around to walk in the opposite direction.

“It’s not too late, brother.” Amara calls out, making him pause mid-stride, “You can still choose this world, us. It doesn’t have to end like this. I--”

“Amara!” he cuts her off without looking at her, “Shut up.”

The Darkness stops, a second passing before she gives up, her shoulders slumping with defeat.

“I know the Winchesters better than anyone else,” Chuck breaks the silence after a minute, “Sam Winchester,” he turns towards the younger brother, “Always feeling the need to know everything. _Just can’t leave well enough alone_.” With a smirk, he continues, “His doubts clouding his judgment when he finds out about the ways his brother has spun lies.” 

Dean doesn’t turn to look at his brother, instead, glancing at Rowena to ask her to hurry when he feels Chuck’s gaze on him, “And _Dean Winchester_. The brother who just can’t let go. Always ready to sacrifice himself because he’s _too_ dependent on his _brother_ and the _little angel on his shoulder_.” The hunter feels a shiver go down his spine, dreading the words he was about to hear. An evil look passes over God’s face, “ _Living a life built on secrets until his biggest one kills him_.” 

He wills himself not to react, maintaining a stoic expression on his face as feels holes burn on the side of his face from his brother’s stare, “At least I will take you down with me.” 

“Rowena _stop_ ,” Sam whispers after a second, his words making everyone freeze. The witch looks up at them from the ground, fingers clutching an ingredient hover over the small fire burning in the bronze bowl.

“What are you doing?” Dean’s voice is uneasy. He returns to face his brother, glancing at the witch to make sure she continues her spell.

“What is he talking about, Dean?” his brother asks.

“We can discuss it later after he’s dead.” the older hunter replies.

“No, we can’t,” Sam starts to kneel down, hand almost gripping Rowena’s wrist when Dean reacts on instinct, the hammer of his gun clicking as he cocks it, aiming it towards his own brother.

“Dean, don’t,” Amara says, her words drowning under the sound of blood rushing into his ear.

Dean stares at Sam’s face, the muzzle inches away from his head as he looks at his brother, shocked, “Dean, don’t do this.”

“I don’t wanna do this,” he shakes his head, hand moving slightly, unable to hold the gun steadily, “But this is everything.”

No one dares to breathe, the stillness surrounding them as even Rowena stares at the gun in his hand. 

God chuckles, Dean turning to look at him without moving his hand, the satisfied look on his face making everyone still.

“This is my ending.” he smiles at Amara, “My real ending.”

“You orchestrated this?” the Darkness asks after a pause.

“What part of omniscient do you people not understand? I can’t read my ‘Death Book.’ So what?” Chuck shrugs, “I control space and time. Just change a few words of the script. Mess with a few outcomes. Add a plot-twist or two. And bada-bing! I mean,” his laugh rings out in the open field, “They think they can kill me?”

“They’re not going to kill you.” Amaras voice is composed.

“Oh, sis…” chuck trails off, “They want to kill me. And,” he waits for a second, “They want to kill you.”

“Amara-” Dean starts, his own mind filled with doubts.

Chuck cuts him off without a glance, eyes still on his sister, “Sam and Dean, they’re using Jack to destroy us.”

Sam takes a sharp intake of breath at the statement, realization hitting him a second before Dean as they share a look, less than two seconds passing before they make a new plan, the older hunters nod barely visible before he looks at Rowena, nudging her with his gun to continue.

Amara’s reply comes a second later, her eyes aware, “No, Dean can’t hurt me”

“No, but he could send you into the meat grinder with a wink and a smile.” 

The Darkness moves to face him, the sadness in her eyes replaced with hesitant trust as soon as she is sure Chuck can’t see it.

“Look, I get it.” God continues, his voice filled with sympathy, “You wanted him to care about you, but humans... they’ll break your heart every time. I spent so long searching for happiness, contentedness. In creation... or the Winchesters.”

“But,” Chuck stops for a moment. Amara turns to look towards her brother, waiting for him to continue, “The only ones who will ever really ‘get’ us... is _us_. So what do you say? You and me. Back together?”

Dean shudders at the silence following the question, opening his mouth to say something to Amara when Sam silences him with a look.

“ _Balance_ ,” she whispers.

“Yes.” his voice is soft, “Think of it. Us starting fresh. Creating something new, something beautiful... peaceful... together.” The hunter can see the woman’s lips tugging up slightly in a sorrowful smile, “And we can finally forget about all this pain.” she glances at Dean, her eyes wet, a tear rolling down her cheek, “No baggage. Only balance.”

Chuck hesitates briefly before extending a hand towards Amara, palm faced up as he waits for her to take it. She lifts her hand, hovering it in the air, looking at Dean for a second before turning to Sam. With a nod towards the younger brother, she focuses her eyes back on her brother, a long second passing before she whispers, “I’m sorry, brother.”

“What do you-” the rest of Chuck’s sentence is cut off as Amara knocks him back with a flick of her wrist. She steps outside the circle, positioning herself in between her brother and the others. She holds up her hand, the air crackling with divine power, her hair whipping up as the wind starts to pick up again.

“Sam, now!” she shouts over her shoulder, Dean shooting his brother a confused look before he hears the soft sound of wings.

The hunter turns around frantically, eyes finding cerulean blue ones less than a second before he feels a body crash into his, arms wrapping around his torso as he is spun around, his free hand coming to rest on the shoulder for balance.

“What are you doing?” He yells.

“ _ Saving you, you idiot! _ ” Castiel raises his voice slightly to be heard over the thunder.

“How?” Dean asks, observing the air around him when he trails off. With wonder, he says, “ _ Your wings. _ ”

“Yeah,” he looks away, explaining, “I can’t fly because it got ruined in the fall, but I can still shield you.”

“Oh,” the hunter says, blood rushing to his face when he suddenly becomes aware of their proximity. Deciding not to point it out, he shoots the angel a disappointed look, “I told you to stay in the bunker.”

“No,” the shorter man clutches him tightly. A small rush of air from between the wings makes Dean’s hair move softly. With a clenched jaw, Castiel continues, “You told me to not do anything  _ you  _ won’t.”

Dean starts to argue before he feels the angel wince, a hard rush of wind making both of them stumble. 

“Sorry,” the angel mumbles softly, stepping back to put some distance between them, “I’m trying to-”

“Don’t worry about it,” he cuts the other man off, pulling him in smoothly.

The hunter finally looks over to the others, Jack standing a few feet away, the silhouette of his wings wrapped around Eileen and Sam. Rowena kneels on the ground, black mist surrounding her in a small circle as she looks up at them, an empty glass vial in her hand.

“Close your eyes!” she shouts at them.

Dean hastily follows her command as he looks away, clenching his eyes shut. A calloused hand on the back of his head guides him forward, a gentle nudge before he buries his face in the crook of the angel’s neck, focusing on the feeling of warmth enveloping him and the angel’s wings fold over his shoulder.

Light flashes behind his eyelids making his eyes burn slightly just as the loud sound of a blast is heard in the background. A tremendous gust of wind almost knocks them off their feet, Dean digging his fingers into the shorter man’s shoulder reflexively for balance before everything settles down.

The hunter hesitates a moment before pulling back and opening his eyes to look around, the dust in the air slowly settling down. He moves back slightly, instantly surging forward when he feels the angel stumble towards him unsteadily.

“Woah,” Dean places a hand on Castiel’s chest, swinging the angel’s arm over his shoulder for a better hold, “Take it easy.”

“Is it over?” the angel whispers, lifting his head to look into the hunter’s eyes.

“Yeah,” the taller man replies, turning to look at everyone else, eyes landing on Amara as she kneels down in front of her brother’s unconscious body, a small bottle filled with liquid light clutched in her hand. With tears rolling down her face, she glances up at Dean, a sad smile aimed towards him with a soft nod. 

“ _ It’s over now. _ ”

Castiel nods, waiting for a second before stepping out of Dean’s embrace. With a lingering gaze, he turns around, his feet carrying him towards the unconscious man. The hunter doesn’t acknowledge his brother as he stops next to him, instead, fixing his eyes on the trench coat wearing man as he kneels down next to Amara.

“ _We did it_ ,” Jack whispers, standing on the other side of the older hunter, the surprise clear in his words. 

“We did it,” Sam repeats, his voice tired but happy.

Dean doesn’t bother to add, rather nudging the Nephilim with his shoulder with a smile on his face, “You are still not off the hook.”

The boy tilts his head to the side, confused before he groans, pulling off his puppy eyes on him, “Don’t blame me. It was all Cas!”

“Not gonna work this time, kid.”

“Sam!” Jack turns towards the younger brother, who only shrugs in response, clearly amused.

“What’s happening here?” Castiel asks, stepping in front of them.

“Dean’s grounding Jack,” Sam answers him, arms wrapping around Eileen who leans into his side.

“All because of you,” the Nephilim grumbles, fighting the smile tugging up his lips. Turning to Dean, he continues, “You can’t ground me!”

“Why?” the older hunter asks raising an eyebrow, gaze darting towards Amara for a second, who stops next to Rowena, completing the small circle.

“Because I can fly,” Jack says hesitantly.

Eileen laughs at the response, “Don’t worry. I and Rowena will help you sneak out.”

“Hey!” Dean protests, putting his arm over the Nephilim’s shoulder, “No corrupting my son.”

Castiel smiles at the statement, while Rowena rolls her eyes. 

“As much as I want to see how this conversation unfolds,” the witch says, “Can we continue this after we get back home?”

“Yeah,” the angel agrees, “Let’s go back home.”

“All right!” Dean sighs, putting his hands up in the air in defeat, “Dinner’s on me tonight.”

“I want burgers,” Eileen interjects, the hunter shaking his head with laughter.

“Of course,” he digs his hand into his pocket, thumbing the keys of the Impala, “Jack?”

“Yeah?” 

Dean tosses the keys towards the Nephilim, tilting his head towards the car, “You’re driving.”

Everyone stares at him, Jack eyes wide with excitement like a child on Christmas morning, “Really?”

“Go ahead,” he steps back, holding his hand out to gesture towards Baby.

“Thank you!” The boy exclaims loudly, arms going around Dean for a quick hug before he lunges forward to grab Cas’ hand, the angel letting the Nephilim drag him away, aiming a big grin towards Dean over his shoulder.

“You just made his day,” Rowena remarks, turning to Dean, her voice dropping until only he can hear, “Are you going to tell them about your deal or should I do it?”

The hunter widens his eyes, shocked, “How do you know?”

“With that weird thing your soul is doing and all that weird stuff with what Chuck said,” the queen of Hell shrugs, “Not everyone is as dumb as you Winchesters.”

He looks away towards his brother who waits for them a few feet away, his hazel eyes concerned, fixed on him, “Let me have one last family dinner.”

“Of course,” she pats his shoulder twice slowly, an understanding look on her face before she walks away.

Dropping his gaze to his hands, he turns on the safety of his gun, fingers sliding over the barrel before tucking it in the waistband of his jeans. He doesn’t look at his brother when he walks past, the guilt of his actions finally settling in. 

Sam starts to walk beside him, frustrated in his voice, “So are we just gonna ignore what he said until it comes to bite us in the ass, again?”

Dean groans, itching to deny everything Chuck had revealed. Instead, he gazes towards the angel sitting in the passenger seat of his car, a content look on his face.

“ _Just give me a few more hours_.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! I was so anxious when I started this chapter because I had no idea how to proceed even after having all the major points down and five drafts and more than 7k words later, I am quite happy with how it turned out. So I hope you liked it as well. Next chapter is the one you all have been waiting for since like forever. No idea how long it will take me to post it but I promise it wont take two weeks like last time.


	11. Chapter 11

The sound of glasses clinking and the occasional shuffling around drown in the loud laughter echoing against the old walls of the kitchen, the random bumping of elbows ignored as everyone squeezes themselves around the small table. 

“I told you we all won’t fit here,” a low voice says when his hand brushes against the older hunters as he leans forward to pick up his beer bottle.

“Oh well, good for you,” Dean replies, smirking when he sees the angle roll his eyes at the statement. He leans back against the cold wall, lifting the cold bottle to take a sip, eyes crinkling in the corners when Eileen talks off his brother before he feels the man next to him move slightly, wincing at the small motion.

“Cas,” he lowers his voice, nudging the angel to make him turn towards him, “ _You fine?_ ”

Castiel nods his head slowly, the smile on his face dropping for the first time in the last few hours, “I’m fine.”

Dean furrows his eyebrows, looking around to make sure no one was overhearing them before shooting an unamused expression towards the angel, “No, you’re not.” 

“It’s nothing at-”

“That twisted bone definitely doesn’t look like nothing.” Amara interrupts them from across the table, eyes fixed on the air above Castiel’s shoulder.

The hunter raises an eyebrow, “You are hurt?”

“ _He broke his wings while trying to shield you._ ” the woman answers, the angel dropping his gaze to stare at his hands.

“It’ll heal.” he speaks softly, lifting his head to look at the hunter, “And I didn’t want to worry you guys.”

“But _you can’t hide such things_ , Cas,” Dean says, the sound of Rowena clearing her throat at the statement making him snap up to look at her. The witch tilts her head slightly in question. The hunter turns away to look at Amara, the room suddenly quiet, his brother’s gaze following him. “Can you heal it?” 

“I can,” she replies, sharing a quick look with the queen of hell before getting up from her seat and walking around the table to stand behind the angel.

“You don’t need to do this,” Castiel whispers.

Amara ignores his comment, her hand hovering mid-air. She asks, “Can I touch your wings?”

He nods slowly, bowing his head, hands resting on his lap clenching when the brown-haired woman traces an invisible arc in the air, a long moment passing before the angel takes in a sharp breath, his eyes glowing blue for a brief second before he sags forward, the hunters hand placing his hand on his broad shoulder to catch him, his brother doing the same from the other side.

“Cas?” Jack says.

The angle doesn’t reply, instead, turning around hastily to face the woman standing behind him, his blue eyes wide, “Did you….” 

The woman smiles, shrugging before responding softly, “I assumed you would like them completely healed.”

“Thank you,” Castiel breathes out, everyone else staring at him with a simple question in their minds.

After a pause, the Nephilim finally asks, “Does this mean you can fly again?”

He turns around to face his son, his eyes filled with an unshed tear that he blinks away. Dean shivering slightly when he feels the ghosting warmth of the angel’s wing against his skin, his gaze fixed on the angel.

“ _I think I can fly again._ ”

Dean feels himself exhale slowly, pushing down the small ache in his chest as Jack runs around the table, launching himself in Castiel’s arms, the angel let out a surprised laugh at the gesture, leaning back onto the hunter for a second before shifting to make space for his son.

“That's great, Cas,” Sam says, clapping him on the back for a second, the angle sending him a warm look.

“Yeah,” the older brother whispers, “Congratulations, buddy.”

Castiel turns to look at him, his eyes locking onto green once with practice. The world fades around them, the hunter’s nerve endings lighting up when he feels the angel’s leg press up against his own under the table, the warmth cocooning him making the hair on his neck stand up, the last twenty-four hours flashing between them in a silent conversation until a single question hangs in the air between them.

_ Is it finally the time now? _

He winces when his brain answers, the ten words making him avert his gaze.

_ It’s always going to be on borrowed time, Dean Winchester. _

“ _Dean_ -”

The hunter slaps his hands on the wooden table to cut the angle off, the loud sound drawing everyone’s attention to him. 

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m completely spent after today.” pulling off a tired smile, he stands up, “So I’ma hit the hay now.”

Ignoring the questioning glances of Rowena and Amara, the dejected look on Castiel’s face, his brother’s piercing gaze, and the concerned look on Eileen’s face, he turns towards the Nephilim.

Tilting his head to gesture towards the door, he says, “Gotta talk to you for a second.”

“Um,” Jack hesitates for a second, looking around for a second, he gets up with a confused smile, “Okay.”

Dean just nods, taking one last look at his family, eyes lingering a second too long over the trench-coat wearing man with his head still turned down, he walks out of the kitchen, the feeling of dread increasing exponentially with each step he takes towards his room.

The cold handle stings against his palm, the familiar sound of the creaking of the door following. He steps into his room; the Nephilim waiting for a moment before crossing the threshold himself.

“You said you wanted to talk,” Jack shuffles near the entrance, an involuntary smile grazing the hunter’s lips when he sees the way the three-year-old fiddles with his fingers.

“Yeah,” he answers, moving towards his table to grab the bunch of keys. Tracing the shape using his thumb for a second, he holds them out towards the Nephilim, “ _Take care of her_.”

The kid freezes, eyes widening with realization. With shaky fingers, he carefully picks up the keys, soft jingling heard in his room when he turns over the bunch in his hands. Looking up at the hunter, Jack asks, “Why are you giving them to me?”

Dean shrugs, “With Chuck finally defeated and everything, _I think I can finally stop hunting now_.”

“You are retiring?” 

“I guess it’s finally time for me to _step back_ and let you kids take over.”

The Nephilim nods at the answer, a brief silence settling over the room before he speaks again, “And Sam? Won’t you want him to have the car?”

“After all that he’s done to my Baby every time I died, he can use Eileen’s car.” the hunter rolls his eyes, hoping that he didn’t notice his slip-up.

Jack absorbs the news for a second, staring at the keys in his hand like it was the world’s biggest treasure before he looks up at Dean, his face filled with joy. The hunter walks towards his son, a proud smile on his face as he wraps his arms around the Nephilim, the kid clutching the older hunter’s shirt as he whispers a small thank you.

Pulling back from the embrace, Jack whispers, “I promise I will take good care of her.”

“I know you will,” Dean takes a step back, patting the Nephilim shoulder briefly. Feeling tears prickle behind his eyes, he blinks them away. Faking a yawn, he says, “Now get out of here and let me sleep.”

“Sure,” Jack smiles at his father, walking out of the room before he stops near the door, turning around with a childlike glee in his eyes, “Can we go for a drive tomorrow?”

Dean feels his heart break at the statement, the pain in his eyes hidden behind a familiar mask. He just shrugs, “Let’s decide that tomorrow.”

Satisfied with the reply, Jack closes the door, leaving the hunter in the middle of the cold room, the weight of lies making him crumble down. Falling on his knees, he lets the tears slip-free, his blurred vision landing on the two sealed envelopes carefully shoved under his bed, the third letter still incomplete, two words standing out against the pale page.

_ Hey Angel. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this is so not the chapter that you all have been looking forward to. When I started this one, I didn't expect this scene to get so long but it did and after 1k words into the actual scene, I thought to split them because it just looked weird to me.   
> So well, a kinda normal chapter before the storm hits.  
> I also changed the total chapter count to 13 so we have another two chapters to go (ie. if i dont split them again.)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The chapter that you all have been waiting for. Oh god, I'm so scared about this but um... let's go!  
>  **Warning: Lot's and lot's of dialogue. Like really a lot of it.**

Dean winces as the soft click of the door locking echoes down the hallway. The dim yellow light illuminating the passage casts his shadows against the cold tiles, the sound of his breath bouncing off the old walls of the bunker. The faint noise of someone talking makes him still for a second before he resumes his steps, the calmness in the air shifting when he finally stops in front of the door. He feels goosebumps rise on his forearms as he twists the handle, swinging the door in with an audible creak. 

The bright lights inside the room make him blink twice before his vision adjusts, gaze landing on the man sitting on the chair in the middle of the room, even without his powers, a dangerous aura surrounded him.

“I was wondering how long it would take for you to finally come and talk to me,” Chuck says leaning back, the way his eyes staring into the hunter making his skin crawl.

“Yeah, well,” Dean shrugs, walking into the room before locking the door behind him, “You are definitely not the best company under this roof either.”

The man rolls his eyes, a smirk on his face, “Not everyone can be Castiel.”

The hunter clenches his jaw at the statement. Not caring to hide the hatred in his eyes, he asks, “Why did you do it?”

“Do what? Help Dedalus create that stupid maze of his? Waste my time with that weird guy from Rome? Start that stupid blog with the cat pictures? Started that new autobiography that I never actually finished? Got a writer’s block, actually.” Chuck shrugs, before continuing, “Or are you talking about that time when I kissed that guy in some bar in Paris? He was a nice one.” he looks at Dean with a knowing gaze, “You should try it  _ again _ sometime.”

“Why did you do it?”

Throwing his head back, Chuck groans, “Did I honestly make you so boring?”

Pursing his lips with irritation, Dean doesn’t reply, clenching his fingers so he doesn’t draw a weapon, his rage coming off in waves.

“Alright,” the man exclaims, “It was ‘cause I was bored!”

“You were bored,” Dean says slowly, taking careful steps towards the chair.

“After doing the same stuff again and again for millions of years, I just wanted a bit of excitement!”

“So you decided to ruin my and Sammy’s life because you wanted-”

“Two brothers with a tragic backstory hunting monsters and saving people.” Chuck cuts him off loudly, “It was amazing. It was my favorite show! I made you both heroes!”

“Well, we didn’t want to be heroes!” Dean shouts loudly before lowering his voice to make sure no one would wake up, “We just wanted to be normal people with normal people's problems.”

The other man laughs, “I don’t remember you enjoying normal people’s problems last time.”

The hunter runs his hands through his hair, saying the first thing that comes to his mind, “Well, I don’t remember enjoying my time in hell either if that’s what you mean to say!”

Chuck looks confused for a second before shrugging, “That was a dark time for me honestly! I had no idea how to continue and when the editors demanded a book, I just had to do it.”

“I spent thirty years of my life getting tortured again and again every fucking day because you-”

“Well, you got Castiel out of it so,” he smirks, “I don’t see you complaining.”

Less than a second later, Dean finds himself leaning over the cuffed man, his hands resting on the back of the chair making it tilt backward, his face inches away from the other man, his voice dangerously low, “If you know what’s good for you, you won’t bring Cas into this.”

“Whatever,” The man sighed, “He was anyway not supposed to be in the story.”

Dean stands back up, the legs of the chair slamming into the ground with a loud thud, “So you killed him.”

“At first I did.” Chuck says in a bored voice, “But then he kept coming back. He’s like those little-”

The hunter stills when he feels the familiar feeling of someone standing behind him. Closing his eyes for a brief second, he takes a deep breath, “I know you can fly now but I still expect you to use the door.”

“It was locked,” Castiel says casually. Stepping forward to stand next to the hunter, he hardly spares the other man a second glance, eyes filled with concern as he looks at Dean, “Why are you here?”

“He wanted to just come and have a little chat with me.” Chuck says before Dean can come up with a response, “Ask me about all the secrets of the universe before he died.”

The angel ignores the ex-god, still continuing to stare at the hunter, “Dean, what does-”

“Oh,” the cuffed man cuts him off again, a newfound glee in his voice, “He also wanted to ask me why you’ve always seemed to make an exception for him but well,” he shrugs, “Since you are here, you can tell him all about your little-”

“Shut up!” Dean growls, almost lunging towards the man before he feels the angel’s hand wrap around his arm, dragging him back.

“Don’t listen to him,” Castiel says, yanking the hunter around to face him, “He is not worth it.”

“I’m not worth it!” Chuck exclaims, “I was the one who builds this whole universe and you think that I’m not-” 

The angel tenses, his cold blue eyes landing on the man making him stop mid-sentence.

“Castiel, the self-hating angel of Thursday.” he says after a pause, his voice icy with each word he speaks, “The angel who just can’t seem to do a single thing right. You know what every other version of you did after ‘gripping him tight and raising him from perdition?’” Dean freezes at the statement, his eyes darting towards the slightly shorter man when he feels the grip on his arm tighten “They did what they were told.” Chuck continues, “But not you. Not the ‘ _ one off the line with a crack in his chassis.’ _ “

The hunter takes a small step to his right to put himself between them. Turning around, he shrugs off the warm hand off him.

“So what happens now?” Chuck asks, observing his movement with a blank look, he fixes his eyes on Dean, “Is this where you kill me?”

“Don’t you already know that?” Castiel questions, taking a step forward to stand next to Dean.

“For the first time, I have no idea what happens next.” the restrained man shrugs, “I mean, I could never think of an ending where I lose. But this, after everything that I’ve done to you,” he stops, an astonished look settling on his face, “To die at the hands of Dean Winchester, the ultimate killer,” the hunter drops his gaze, at the statement, “It’s kind of glorious.”

“That’s not what Dean is,” the angel speaks from next to him, his words calculated but honest, “Dean Winchester is the most caring man on Earth. He is the most selfless,  _ loving _ human being I will ever know.”

The hunter swallows, his fingers automatically moving to brush against the angels, trying to hold him back before he lets go, letting him walk towards his father.

Castiel pauses a foot away from Chuck, towering over the smaller man, “You know, ever since we met, ever I pulled him out of Hell. Knowing Dean changed me. Because he cared, I cared. And because he loved, I could love.”

A long silence encompasses the room, as the green-eyed man stares at the angel’s back, his words ringing in his ears before the ex-god lets out a chuckle, the hair on Dean’s arms standing at the sharp noise.

“And then, after a rousing speech, his true weakness is revealed. He’s in love with humanity.” the hunter feels the raw power in the air as Castiel straightens his back, the bulb flickering for a split second, the faint shadow of the arch of his wings visible on the wall. Chuck doesn’t react, instead, continuing to speak, his voice a whisper as if he’s sharing a secret, “He’s in love with-”

Before Dean can even realize, the angel had his blade in his hand, the tip pointing mere centimeters away from the human’s neck, his mouth a hair’s breadth away from his ears, “I won’t finish that sentence if I were you.”

The hunter rushes forward, grabbing the angel by his trench coat as he pulls him back, Castiel letting himself be dragged away without resistance just as his eyes land on the person standing in the dark corner of the room, her blonde hair reflecting the yellow light.

“Hello, Boys,” the Empty steps forward, the sound of her heel clicking against the floor loud in the silent room.

“What are you doing here?” Dean asks, shoving the angel behind him.

“Oh, sweety. I’m just here to keep my end of the deal.” she drawls, her cold eyes landing on Chuck, “Ready to go?”

“Go where?” the man asks, his startled eyes landing on the hunter and the angel, “Guys, what is she talking about?”

He smirks, “Turns out, just like every other cosmic dick, you don’t pay a lot of attention to the details.”

“This is not-” Chuck’s eyes widen, his shoulders stiffening, “There were two of them.”

Dean shrugs, his head turning towards the woman, “You can take him.”

The Empty looks at him, the snap of its fingers echoing in the small room as Chuck disappears into thin air, the clang of handcuffs falling to the ground the only sound. With an amused smirk on its lips, the cosmic entity observes Dean, “Looks like Clarence doesn’t know what you are talking about.”

With a grimace, the hunter nods slowly, the angel’s pulse steady under his fingers, his hand wrapped around his wrist.

“Remember your end of the deal, darling,” she winks at him, her words filling the room, “Don’t keep me waiting.”

In the blink of an eye, the Empty vanishes, the gurgling sound of water making him turn towards the farther end of the room where a portal opens, the emptiness extending on the other side chilling his bones.

With a deep breath, Dean turns towards the angel for just a second, memorizing the color of the blue eyes as they meet his. The yellow light from the bulb casting long shadows of his eyelashes on his face, the perfect curve of his lips illuminated softly, the faint glow at the tip of his hair looking like a halo. He smiles softly, his heart aching as his mind flashes back to the cold barn, gleaming blue eyes staring into his soul. 

“It was not your fault,” he says finally, his hand slipping down to hold the angels, the blade now safely stowed away. He squeezes it gently before dropping it, his own hands sweaty, “Remember that.”

“What are you talking about, Dean?” Castiel asks just as the hunter turns around, taking a step towards the portal before he feels a careful grip on his jacket.

“C’mon, Cas.” he whispers, dropping his head to hide the tear, “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

He starts to walk again only to be pulled back, the sharp tug making him stumble.

“What are you doing, Dean?”

The hunter smiles sadly, the movement not visible to the angel. Steadying his voice, he answers, “Keeping my end of the deal.”

“I don’t-” Castiel pauses, his voice cracking when the same question he had heard less than two weeks ago slips from his lips, “What did you do, Dean?”

“I did what I had to, to keep you safe.”

“I don’t get-” he waits, the sound of gears turning in his head filling up the room before he harshly turns the hunter around to face him, his voice cold, “You are sacrificing yourself.”

Dean sighs before responding, his last lie slipping out of his mouth with ease, “The Empty claimed my soul the moment I stepped in it. It only let me go because Billie convinced it that I was important in killing god but now that it’s done-”

“-it wants you to go back.”

The hunter shrugs, “After I go back, it can finally go back to sleep.”

“So all along you knew you were going to die,” Castiel says slowly, eyes full of recognition as they drop, “That’s why you gifted Baby to Jack. That’s why you wanted one last family dinner.” the unsaid words fill up the room. 

_ That’s why you wanted to spend the last night with me. _

“Well,” Dean pries his jacket from the angel’s hand the second he feels the grip loosen, taking a careful step back and then another, years of hunting helping his movements be inconspicuous, “ _ One final sacrifice to attain happily ever after _ .”

“No,” Castiel declares, his eyes widening when he realizes the hunter’s gradual movement towards the portal. 

“Dean, stop!” he cries out, lunging forward towards the hunter, his hands gripping the man’s shoulders to stop him, “We can find another way. You don’t have to do this!”

“I don’t want to find another way, Cas!” Dean keeps his voice calm as he tries to make the angel understand, barely struggling against the angel’s tight hold, “I’ve already accepted it.”

“Well, I haven’t!” Castiel exclaims, the sound resonating against the walls for a minute, his tone wavering, “I can’t let you do this.”

The man pauses at the answer, his voice dropping until it’s hardly audible. He carefully caresses the angel’s face, moving his head up so that their gazes meet, “It’s gonna be fine, Cas. You all will be fine.”

The angel huffs out a dry laugh, his eyes filling up, “How could you even think that we would be fine with you d- gone?”

Dean opens his mouth to respond before closing it, waiting for the shorter man to continue.

“Do you think Sam would be happy when he wakes up to find that you just left him? How do you think Jack would react when  _ I  _ have to tell him that you sacrificed yourself just because you thought it was the only way? And do you really think that bringing you back won’t be the  _ first  _ thing I do when I take over Chuck’s powers?”

The hunter’s eyes widened at the statement, his words frantic, “You can’t do that.”

“I can,” Castiel says, his words firm, a determined expression on his face, “And I will.”

“That will mess up everything, Cas!” Dean doesn’t care that he is pleading, “And you know it will come and bite us in the ass later.”

“We will figure that out when it comes to it,” the angel steps closer, the lapels of his trench-coat brushing against the hunter’s knees, “Dean, please. I can’t let you die.”

“It’s not your choice,” the hunter says, his tiredness clear.

A minute passes, Castiel’s eyes staring into Dean, trying to unveil all the layers that make up the hunter before he asks softly, “Why don’t you want to stay?”

The man hesitates, almost answering before he turns his face away, the walls he’s built up now more fragile than ever.

“Dean, answer me,” the angel shakes his shoulder roughly, the hunter flinching at the movement, the three words hitting closer to home than either of them had expected it to. Castiel immediately tries to control himself, repeating his question, “Why don’t you want to-”

“Because I can’t bear to watch you all leave me!” shouting, Dean cuts the angel off, his outburst surprising both of them, his biggest insecurity exposed. He feels his walls break down, almost crumbling to the ground with each bit of control getting ripped out of his hands. “I can’t bear to watch  _ you  _ leave me.  _ Not again. _ ”

Each word like a step towards the edge of a cliff, Castiel speaks, “Why do you think we would leave you?”

Pausing at the question for a moment, Dean lets out a dry laugh, green eyes that had always been filled with joy now reflecting his despair as they rest on the angel.

“You don’t need me anymore,” he replies simply, with a broken smile on his lips and tears rolling down his face, “With Chuck dead, you all can finally be happy now. Sammy can finally have that apple pie life he had always wanted. Now that you have your wings, you leaving me to go back to heaven is inevitable and with all that power, you can do anything that you want to. Jack will definitely want to go to heaven with you and after everything that kid has gone through, he deserves it. But Cas, where does that leave me?”

_ It leaves me alone. And I can’t be alone. Not ever again. _

Unable to look into the blue eyes as they fill with devastation at his words, the hunter looks away, his shoulders moving as a silent sob wrecks through his body, his breath loud as it comes in harsh pants. 

“Even if Sam marries Eileen, it doesn’t mean that he will replace you,” Castiel starts, “You are his older brother, the person who practically raised him. No one can replace you in his life. Me having my wings back doesn’t mean that I will abandon my family. Yes, I might have to go to heaven every once in a while, but I will always come back to you. And Jack might want to accompany me, but so can you. You are his father as much as I am and I know he won’t just leave you just because-”

“It is my life for your grace, Cas!” Dean finally breaks, his eyes widening the moment the words tumble out of his mouth. “Cas-” he starts before the angel interrupts him, his shock clear on his face.

“You lied to me,” Castiel takes a step back, his hands letting go of the hunter’s shoulder, shaking his head as he tries to comprehend everything, “You told me that you-”

The hunter doesn’t care to lie anymore, the truth spilling out of his lips with ease, “It’s because I knew you would go and do the stupid thing!”

“You have been asking with me to let you walk to your death when you could have just told me to give up my grace instead.” Castiel runs a hand through his hair in frustration.

“I did it because you can’t give up your grace,” Dean tries to explain, shifting forward just as the angel moves back. Ignoring the ache he feels in his heart at the shorter man’s wary expression, he tries to explain, “You need your grace to-.”

“I don’t care about Chuck’s powers!” the angel exclaims, “We can ask Jack or some other angel or-”

The hunter rubs a hand over his face, cursing under his breath as he strides towards the portal. Less than a foot away when he feels his body being jerked back, the angel spinning him around without any struggle, long fingers shaking as he clutches his jacket, their chests almost touching.

“ _ Let me go, Cas! _ ” Dean pleads, his voice breaking, “It will be fine.”

Castiel’s harsh breath hits his face as he says, “Why do you want to give up your life when it can be me instead, Dean? Why do you-”

“ _ Because I’m in fucking love with you, you idiot! _ ”

Both of them stop dead as the words echo against the cold walls, the air of the dungeon charges up, the light flickers for a brief second, the hunter and his angel standing in the middle of the dark room chest to chest, their faces inches away from each other. Dean feels bile rise to his throat as he observes the shocked expression on the angel’s face, heart beating out of his chest, his head almost tilting in to close the distance before he covers it up.

“Cas, I,” he trails off, unsure about what to say. He instantly shoots down the idea of him denying the words, “I-”

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Castiel whispers.

Even before the hunter can process the words, he feels the angel shove him aside, the sudden collision with the wall shocking him.

“ _ Don’t do this, Cas. _ ” Dean doesn’t know if he shouts or whispers the words, his eyes fixed on Castiel as he stops in front of the portal, his angel blade already in his hand, the tip sliding across his neck in a precise cut.

A perfect strand of grace extends out from the cut, the liquid blue blinding as it reaches out towards the portal, the pitch blackness soaking it as soon as it touches its surface.

Dean feels time stretch out, the bulb over him bursting, the light from the archive room falling into the dungeon in a perfect stream, the angel standing right in the middle of it, the shadow of his wings falling on the walls as it fades away just the last wisps of grace getting absorbed into the empty.

The hunter stands up shakily, rushing towards the unsteady man just as the portal closes. Castiel leans into Dean, trying to find his footing for a second before he collapses to the ground, the hunter buckling under the man’s weight as he lets him down slowly.

He kneels down in front of the dark-haired man, eyes following the drop of blood as it trickles down his neck, the man swiping it away before he places his right hand on the cut, trying to reduce the bleeding.

“Cas,” Dean hesitates, his hand hovering above the man's shoulder before he draws it back quickly, his self-hatred stopping him from-

“ _ I love you. _ ” Castiel looks up at the hunter, his voice weak but honest, breaking slightly at the end of the sentence.

The hunter stares dumbfounded at the man he had loved since forever, his heart beating out of his chest as the three words ring in his ears, the spark of hope inside his bones almost burning him before his mind shuts it out.

Dean drops his gaze, not caring about the tears rolling down his face,  _ completely vulnerable _ , “You don’t need to lie to me, Cas. I know you don’t lo- feel that way about me.”

“What’s the matter?” he shifts towards the hunter until their knees touch, “ _ You don’t think you deserve to be loved? _ ”

The hunter doesn’t respond, the barest of smiles tugging the edge of his lips at the statement.

He gently places his trembling hand on the hunter’s left shoulder, his other hand coming up to caress the man’s face carefully, the hunter sighing into the hold as he lets the ex-angel tilt his face up. The man’s blue eyes hold a million questions as they meet his green ones, a single one standing out from the rest of them. 

Dean doesn’t look away this time, his fingers trembling as they clutch the lapels of the tan trench coat, slowly drawing the man in until their lips almost brush, offering him one last chance to stop before they cross the line. Castiel doesn’t hesitate before closing the distance.

The hunter sighs softly into the kiss, the salty taste of tears along with the feel of a small smile on the ex-angel’s lips making his breath hitch in his throat. He doesn’t know how long they sit in the dark, too entwined in each other to care about anything else except the gentle press of the other’s lips.

Dean lets out a choked sob when they finally separate, the angel’s fingers tenderly wiping the tears before they come to rest against his cheek. He moves his head slightly, pressing his lips softly against the man’s calloused palm, the ex-angel smiling at the gesture.

Castiel leans forward to place his forehead against Deans, his warm breath light against the hunter’s face with each word he speaks.

“ _ Dean Winchester is loved.” _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andddddddddd........... I can't wait to know what you thought about this!   
> This was _really_ difficult to write mainly because I had a list of things that i wanted to put in here like dialogues from the last few ep's, plus I wanted to address Dean's whole _'everybody always leaves me'_ trauma(?). So I really hope I did that justice. Plus writing Chuck turned out to be a lot more harder than I anticipated it but well, fingers crossed!  
> One more chapter left!!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _So_ sorry for the long wait. I had to rewrite the whole thing because it was not turning out the way i wanted it to and I'm _damn_ scared about this.  
> Okay, so fingers crossed for this one because well... you'll see.

He stares at the bottom of the glass, the yellow light on the lamp casting shadows of the pattern on the glass over the golden-brown surface of the whiskey he had poured more than an hour ago, the fight inside his head making his head pound. Drawing his hand back when he feels himself reach out for the glass, he clenches his fist for the hundredth time, knuckles turning white.

The hunter licks his lips, the worst in him demanding to feel the slow burn of the whiskey inside his throat before he pushes it back. Taking a deep breath, he checks his watch, the glaring numbers accusing him of his cowardice as another minute passes.

Dean looks away, his eyes landing on the newly carved name over the wooden table, three words making his heart tug.

_ CAS _

Fingers shaking, he moves his hand, tracing the sharp lines of each letter. His treacherous mind supplying the image of bright blue eyes concentrating on the tabletop, practiced hands wrapped around the knife, the tip carefully digging into the polished wood. He feels his own hand wrapping around the man’s wrist, stopping him just before he was about to start the fourth letter.

_ “Dean?”  _ the question in his voice shook the hunter from staring too long into his eyes.

“ _ Yeah? _ ” he replied, his breath caught up in his throat.

“ _ You are holding my hand, _ ” the man had said, tugging his wrist slightly to make his point, the hunter instinctively tightening his grip for a second, “ _ I can’t finish my name until you let go. _ ”

The hunter swallowed, his words wavering slightly, “ _ You already have,  _ Cas.”

He ignored the three other pairs of eyes staring at him, instead, begging for the dark-haired man to understand the meaning behind his words. The hunter had exhaled in relief when recognition had flared behind the blue eyes, a small smile on his lips.

“ _ Yes _ ,” even when whispered, the words had echoed in the room, “ _ I already have. _ ”

And that had been it. The last straw that had made Dean turn away, hand falling down to his side, his heart coated in shame as he saw himself pull away, ice-cold walls building themselves around his heart, protecting it from the Shield itself.

This was two days ago, forty-eight hours, a trip to heaven and a million words separating him from the moment he had last seen the blue eyes. Dean would be lying if he said that he was not hiding from the now ex-angel, burying himself between dusty pages and old artifacts until he couldn’t even hear his own heart screaming at him.

Dean draws his hand back, the need to forget his own self-worth winning as he wraps his fingers around his glass, almost at the edge of tipping when the sound of soft footsteps pulls him back.

He closes his eyes, his heart frantically beating as the sound grows louder. Putting down the tumbler, he twists in his seat to watch the man exiting the hallway, his head bowed down, feet carrying him towards the metal staircase. 

“Cas?” Dean breathes, realization hitting him a second too late, cold seeping into his bones when the man doesn’t slow down. “Hey, where you going?” he shouts, chair scraping loudly against the hardwood floor as he gets up, frantic eyes focusing on the ex-angel’s stiff shoulders.

He comes to a stop at the foot of the staircase, hand moving in its own accord to clutch the man’s trench coat, tugging the cloth to pull him back.

“Dean,” he speaks, a simple name layered with a hundred emotions. Hesitating visibly, Castiel turns around, walking back down until he is standing right in front of the slightly taller man, blue eyes meeting green ones for a second before Dean turns away, fixing on a point on the wall just behind the other man.

“Where’s Jack?” he asks, his voice rough to his own ears, his lungs close up when he sees the ex-angel’s shoulders drop. A sad smile tugs at his lips at the question, still standing here face to face exactly two weeks apart, more than a thousand things changing.

“He’s in his room,” Castiel answers dejectedly, adding, “He was tired after linking Chuck’s power with heaven and  _ also  _ rebuilding it, so I told him to go to sleep.”

The hunter nods at the response, “So everything is done now? I mean, with all the God mojo and everything. It won’t just blow up or something, right?”

“Not for the next few centuries at least,” the ex-angels answers, shuffling on his feet, “I hope it’s enough time for Jack to prepare himself to take over.”

“Don’t worry,” Dean places his hand on the man’s shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly, Castiel turning his head sharply at the movement. The hunter cleared his throat awkwardly, continuing, “He will be fine. He’s a Winchester after all.”

He almost smiles, repeating slowly, “He is a Winchester.”

A second passes, both of them holding their breath. The hunter breaks the silence, words barely a whisper, “And so are you.”

The ex-angel freezes at the statement, his sharp inhale clear as he steps back towards the stairs, pulling away from Dean’s grip, the hunter’s hand hovering mid-air for a second, confusion flashing in his eyes before he covers it up, dropping his hand to his side.

“I should…” he trails off, his hand lifting to point towards the door before he drops it, a weak sigh escaping him. His voice trembling with each word, he asks, “Where did I go wrong?”

The hunter’s throat constricts at the question, his gaze dropping to his hands as he clenches them, stopping himself from reaching out to touch the other man, unable to bear the thought of ever causing him any pain ever again. With a hoarse voice, he replies, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Dean,” Castiel steps closer to him, “Please.”

The hunter runs his fingers through his hair, his own voice shaky, “You did nothing wrong, Cas.”

The ex-angel lets out a dry laugh, shaking his head, “You can’t even look me in the eye when we talk.”

The hunter finally turns towards him, hating the tears in the other man’s eyes, he does the only thing he’s good at. Pushing back everything he feels, he simply states, “You were about to leave.”

“I didn’t- I  _ don’t  _ know if you wanted me to stay or if-” Castiel smiles sadly, “You already shut me out and I thought you would appreciate it if I left before you have to ask me to.”

Dean simply stares, the knife in his chest twisting with each word the ex-angel says, the weaker part of his mind begging him to pull the angel against him and never let go. He almost gives in.

_ Almost. _

“After everything I said that night,” he takes a step forward, fingers reaching out to tentatively brush against the other man’s, his voice cracking, “Why would you think that  _ I  _ would ask you to leave?”

The ex-angel’s hand twitches against his own for a brief second before he draws it away, “I don’t know where we stand, Dean.”

“I don’t-” he pauses, “I don’t understand.”

“You told me you love me moments before you are about to sacrifice yourself and then-” he inhales, his chest moving as he stifles a sob, “You won’t tell me what I did. You won’t even tell me what you want and I- For all I know, you might have changed your mind about me or you-”

Unable to listen anymore, he rushes forward, pushing the other man backward, the ex-angel letting out a sharp breath when his back hits the wall, the hunter’s hand coming to clutch the lapels of his coat, the other resting on his hips.

Almost collapsing against the other man, Dean drops his head on the man’s shoulder, tucking his face against the crook of his neck. A sob wrecking through him when he feels fingers bury in his hair, a gentle caress against his head, the ex-angel’s other hand coming to wrap around his back, holding him without any question.

“I’m so sorry,” after a long time, he mumbles, “I didn’t know how to face you after I- After I forced you to give up everything for me all over again.”

“It was my-”

“You should hate me,” Dean cuts him off, “If it was not for me, you would still be an angel and you would still have your wings but now you-” pulling back slightly, he looks up into blue iris, “I have always been poison Cas and I didn’t want to hurt you anymore but I- I couldn’t even do that one thing properly. I destroy everything I-”

Castiel places a finger against the hunter’s lips to stop him. He tenderly wipes the tears streaming down the other man’s face, his eyes staring into green ones, searching for something before placing his hand against the sharp jaw, thumb stroking the freckles skin.

Clearing his throat, he speaks, “Will you be honest with me if I ask you something?” 

The taller man nods in response, his lips moving as he breathes a single word, “Anything.”

“Did you mean what you said that night in the dungeon?”

Finally a small smile tugs against Dean’s lips, his fondness evident in his eyes as he rolls them. Shaking his head softly at the confused expression on the shorter man’s face, he leans in.

Castiel gasps when he feels the hesitant brush of the other man’s lips against his own, his hand clutching the back of the hunter’s shirt, doubtful for a split second before melting against him. He lets himself be crowded against the wall, its coldness a sharp contrast to the fire that seems to ignite under his skin as hands uncertainly place themselves on his waist, pulling him until their bodies are flushed against each other.

Unlike the last time, the kiss is slow, the hesitancy of the start changing into something much more raw and pure, the need to be close, overwhelming. Dean smiles when he feels the rough stubble against his cheek, teeth gently nipping his lower lip as he draws away just enough, the ex-angel’s heart pounding against his own making him heady.

“If there is one thing in the whole world I am absolutely sure about,” Dean’s lips drag against Castiels, the shorter man shivering slightly when he feels warm air hitting his face, every breath mingling, “It is about how I feel for you.”

The hunter just hums when he feels the ex-angel claim his mouth again, breaking free only when his watch beeps once signaling the time.

“It’s pretty late and you gotta sleep too now that you are human,” Dean says, tilting back to observe the debauched look on the other man’s face, lips spit-slick and slightly swollen, hooded eyes following him. Lifting his hand to trace the edge of Castiel’s face, he asks, “Let’s get you to bed?”

Castiel hesitates before nodding once, the brightness in his eyes dulling as he drops his head down.

“Hey, look at me,” Dean says, his fingers delicate as they carefully tip the ex-angel’s head back up, green eyes gentle but insistent. “I am not running away from this. Not  _ ever  _ again. What I meant was that we can talk about this tomorrow morning after. And after that, I would like to take you on a  _ real  _ date with flowers and everything. Does that sound okay?”

“You could skip the flowers,” he responds, a teasing smile on his face, “Otherwise Sam might find out how much you love chick-flick moments.”

“I don’t care about what he thinks,” He winks, smirking, “I got a date to impress.” 

The ex-angel blushes at the statement, the hunter smiling as he steps away, instantly missing the other man’s warmth. Wrapping his fingers loosely around Castiel’s wrist, he tugs him away from the wall, leading him towards the hallway, the invisible weight on his chest that had seemed to pin him down for years disappearing when he feels fingers intertwined with his as both of them fall into a comfortable silence.

He turns his head slightly to look at the other man, blue eyes glinting under the dim light as they catch deans, the shy smile on their lips more intimate than he thought was possible, their breaths loud between the comfortable silence.

They come to a stop in front of Dean’s door, both of them unsure about what to say. Castiel gazes down at their joined hands for a second before starting to let go, his fingers almost slipping free before the hunter tightens his grip, the sudden movement making him glance up. 

After a pause, he asks, “Stay with me?”

Castiel feels his breath hitch in his throat, his heartbeat loud in his ears as he whispers, “ _ Always _ .”

The single word feels like a declaration, twelve years of pain and suffering finally feeling worth as they stand in the hallway, hands clasped, staring into each other.

Dean’s throat closes up as he looks away, blinking away the sting in his eyes as he pushes the door open with a trembling hand. He doesn’t glance at the other man as he nudges him towards his closet, a comfortable silence enveloping them as they shuffle out of their clothes, the sound of rustling fabric and the familiar motions barely soothing his nerves. 

From the corner of his eye, he watches the other man pads towards the left side of the bed, his own gaze fixed on the hunter as he sits down on the mattress, his hesitance clear before he pulls the covers over himself. Dean turns off the lights before making his way towards the other side -  _ his side _ \- of the bed.

Pushing away all his doubts, he slips under the sheets, the smooth cotton along with the smell of the softener soothing him. He slowly turns to his side, waiting a second before he gently places his hand on Castiel, the ex-angel melting into his touch as he lets himself be pulled into the middle of the bed, his own arms placing themselves around the hunter’s frame as they drag the slightly taller man against him, pressing their bodies together until it’s impossible to know where one starts and the other ends.

Shifting his head to look up at the dark-haired man, Dean mumbles, “Is this okay?”

“I like this.” 

The hunter feels blood rush to his face at the simple statement, “ _ Me too, Cas. _ ”

Even in the dark, he can make out cerulean blue eyes as they gaze at him from under dark lashes, long fingers drawing invisible patterns on his skin from where his t-shirt rides up, the feather-light touch making goosebumps appear.

“I uh-” he starts to say before trailing off, a single four-letter word stuck in his throat. He feels guilt seeping into his heart as he opens his mouth to try again before the other man cuts him.

“I know,” Castiel whispers, not a single trace of judgment or disappointment evident in his voice, “And I love you too.”

Dean turns away awkwardly, burying his face into the body under him, his words muffled, “Yeah, that.”

The ex-angel huffs out a laugh, the hunter hitting his stomach lightly as he feels a stupid grin on his face before he presses his lips against the other man’s heart.

“I may take some time to get used to- well everything,” he says softly before dropping another kiss over his chest, the dull thud of the organ against his lips making him smile.

“That’s fine,” Castiel leans down slightly to nuzzle his nose into Dean’s hair, breathing in the faint smell of shampoo. Tightening his grip around the hunter, the ex-angel whispers, “We got all the time in the world.”

_ And for the first time in his life, Dean believes that they do. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And.... THAT'S A WRAP!
> 
> Okay its not. I added another chapter to the limit. ( _Sorry!*burying myself under my blankets* Don't hate me!_ ) 
> 
> A.N(basically me ranting): So well, initially when I planned this chapter, it was supposed to be a normal family chapter with everyone present and me wrapping up loose ends but then this happened. I did want to address Cas' whole _'no one wants me to stay'_ thing and I did add a bit of it to the initial chapter I wrote but it felt more of a cop out more than anything else and to give it justice I had to add a ton of stuff and as you can see, it got so much more angstier and well... did I overdo it or was it good???

**Author's Note:**

> So.... how was it?  
> I'd love to hear what you all have to say about this. All comments and constructive criticism is appreciated.


End file.
